Wordfuse (Celebrity Edition)

72 days? Seriously? Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries couldn't get along during the honeymoon phase?

Celebrity marriages are like diets. They sure have a lot of them over the years. And 95% of them fail.

Wait a minute? Who am I talking about again? 

Anyway, we all know marriage is not easy. But like most bickering-induced kerfuffles, soon the whole thing will only be mentioned in parentheses (Lisa Marie Presley & Michael Jackson).

#blundertaking
#nincomtroop
#strestrogen
#acrimatrimonious
#fauxthentic
#fiascodependent
#numbsational

Wordfuse (Deny, Deny, Deny Edition)

pacifibs (noun): pacify + fibs = the lies we tell ourselves and others to cope, to placate, to smooth over, to take the edge off but mostly because the truth is just too scary. 




Comments indicative of this behavior range from the mild/moderate:
~"Pshaw. It can wait until tomorrow."
~"I don't weigh that much."
~"I can pay for this next month."

More extreme cases make remarks such as the following:
~"I'm not a hoarder; I'm a collector."
~"I can so rock this Speedo."
~Or if you're OJ Simpson, "I'm still looking for the killer, seriously."
~Or pretty much anything Lindsay Lohan says.
~Or all those enablers/parents of American Idol wannabes.
~Or especially those trying to justify their participation in this train-wreck.
~Or if you're me, "I totally look like Russell Crowe."

Wordfuse

     fauxthentic (adjective): faux + authentic = a word used to describe something or someone obviously fake, yet legitimately so (as if the subject owns their disingenuousness, either due to cluelessness, entitlement or deep, deep insecurities [perhaps all three]); subjects fitting this description often inspire their own Halloween costumes (and sue for their share of the profits).

     See spray-painted pink metal Christmas trees, politicians shaking hands with "the people" during election time, reality showmances or Snooki for example: Bravo Television executives, excited to offer viewing audiences barely tweaked versions of what they are already watching in horror, have announced the latest fauxthentic reality show: The Real Housewives of Celebrities in Rehab (who may or may not have been on Dancing with the Stars.)

My Enablers (Teens these Days!)

     My children are old enough now to be enablers. It’s great! (Shout out to Lindsay Lohan's mother.) 

     I've trained my son to bring home rootbeer for me from his job. And it takes practically no convincing whatsoever whenever I ask either of my teens to walk (or drive) to the convenience store and buy ice-cream-on-a-stick. To them, these so called “errands” are definitely not chores. They love spending my money and they also appreciate the opportunity to take their own money (more money I gave them because they never return the change) and buy their own "necessities." Although it's expensive, it’s so convenient! (These are the milestones they never mention in parenting books.)

     There’s only one problem.

     Someone taught them the meaning of hypocrisy.

     Curses!

     My devious teens are often quite skilled at correctly identifying when I’m manipulating them for my own selfish wants. And they also know what would happen if their mother knew. Um, let’s just say that kind of disclosure would be problematic. So call it extortion. Or call it blackmail. But I say, call them brats for threatening to tell their mother about our little “arrangement.”

     But I can play games too. I know their threats are empty because if they spoil the secret, they too will be prevented from ice-cream-on-a-stick and various other treats and indulgences. MUAHAHAHAHAHA right back at you my own little extortionist teen gang! How's Velma going to solve this my little Shaggies?!

     (Who teaches kids to be so devious anyway?)

Weird Word-of-the-Day Wednesday

In honour of a little discussion I had with my bank today, today's weird word is "amortization." Apparently this word refers to the "process by which your loan principal decreases over the life of your loan." Like with a mortgage. Well...
I experienced some amortization fun-and-games today. Somehow, my last mortgage payment was magically paid despite no evidence of an automatic deduction from my account which is how my mortgage has been paid for the last ten years. Hmm. Could it be a mistake perhaps, especially considering that my bank just switched to a new computer system? Hmm.
Despite nothing deducted from my account, bank staff repeatedly assured me that my mortgage payment has been made. Thoughts in my head during this conversation: Um, by who then? Did Oprah give away random mortgage payments on her show today? Am I like your one millionth customer?
Here's the kicker: I can't prove I didn't make my payment. Talking to a bank about an error they made is like talking to people who work in airports (or maybe Lindsay Lohan I bet). One thing I am sure of though: when the bank discovers their mistake only one person will be responsible: me.