Things one should outgrow:

saying, "I don't have time."

#tryingtotakemyownadvice

Dear Winter,

Enough already?

How are you? Wait. Let ME answer that. You’re enjoying yourself, aren’t you? This is all very entertaining for you, isn’t it?

Remember last year my old friend? Last year your heart just wasn’t in it, was it? Last year you phoned it in, didn’t you? Don’t try to deny it. Essentially you called in sick. Repeatedly. In fact, you took a vacation. And you deserved one. After years of slapping us here and there with snow and ice and sleet and freezing rain and so on, you really did. But this year, you seem a lot different. Oh sure, some days you’re still sweet yet I think it’s important to let you know that, overall, you’ve changed. You really have.

I’d say you got your mojo back. Yup, you sure did. The word “hammer” comes to mind. I don’t really want to point any fingers but what did Edmonton ever do to you? You might want to talk to someone about that. Here in Northern Alberta, it’s like you’re toying with us. Bone snapping wind chill one day, stick-your-tongue-out fluffy flakes the next, followed by a week without the sun. One day it’s 1-2 centimeters, the next it’s 5-10. One day it’s dry bare roads, the next it’s like four-by-fouring down the highway. I found it especially entertaining driving home the other night on snow-packed icy roads through a blizzard and then guess what? The snow stopped long enough for me to spot a grader. In. The. Ditch. It’s a special, special day when graders hit the ditch. I’d like to say I remained confident for the rest of that drive but the truth is my knees became grape jelly. But Winter, despite that nuttiness, I did indeed make it home again. What do I have to complain about right? (Actually shoveling. Every day. That I can complain about too. Just sayin.)

Oh Winter. I love you. I love skidooing and sledding and this barely veiled sarcasm but sometimes Winter, sometimes, I want to karate chop you in the neck.

Sincerely,

Everyone

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

this is probably still good, right?

#onsale
#thistoo?

Things one should never outgrow:

subtlety.

#frick

Things one should never outgrow:

shedding light.

"We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own." ~Ben Sweetland

I have.

The awkward. The uncomfortable. The moments you want to just shake off and pretend they never happened. 

Sheesh eh?

Have you ever bent down to listen more carefully to some adorable child who then immediately open-mouth sneezed in your face? I have.

Has someone ever woken you with a phone call but you assured them repeatedly that you had indeed been awake for several hours and by the time you finally move on to the point of the phone call no one wants to talk anymore because the lie hangs there like someone just opened up a big old container of egg salad? I have.

Have you ever had real, honest conversation with someone and then referred to that someone by the wrong name? Yup. I have.

Have you ever caught a ride with someone and then discovered they drive like a toddler’s attention span but it would be impolite to say something so you grit your teeth and gasp only on the inside? I have.

Have you ever eaten the garnish? I have.

Have you ever wasted precious time obsessing about your own stupidity? I have.

Here’s the thing: not experiencing the moments that you could have done without would mean not experiencing the moments you could have done without. Where’s the fun in that? 

Just. Enjoy. Life. More.

Things that are most likely the devil (for some kids):

Not my finest moment.

#nothiseither

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

these are probably still good, right?

#leftoverHalloweencandy
#worsethancoalinyourChristmassock

Quick. Think. Write.

Quick. Think. What do you hate?

I hate...turkeys, actually no, truthfully, I'm afraid of them...Monday mornings, no, not consistently, in fact, rarely...can't think of anything...can't think...oh wait, I detest arrogance, condescending behaviour...blue cheese (yup, I think I actually do hate blue cheese)...I don't know...wait, I hate faraway noises I can't discern (I have this Sherlock Holmes need to find the source)...my Kobo (I don't hate it; I just prefer real books)...uh...um...I hate...error Code 43...and when they put raisins in chocolate...kinda...I hate telemarketers (but everybody deserves a job and I don't have to answer the phone)...I can't think of anything...mowing the lawn...sometimes...I really hate bills (but that's pointless, they gotta be paid)...I know: racism. I hate racism. And contempt. So essentially, I hate:

1. hatred.

I believe one's things-I-hate-list should be much much shorter than one's things-I-love-list:

1. creativity
2. brainstorming
3. thinking differently
4. turnip fries
5. serendipity
6. my kids
7. my wife
8. Scottish chocolate shortbread (my wife just brought a box home and they sound sort of fancy, but here's bubble burster: she bought them from a gas station, yup, not exactly gourmet and they're 28% saturated fat so they're basically chocolate butter). Whoa...chocolate butter...what a great idea.
9. Paula Deen
10. writing
11. blogs
12. art
13. stories...did I ever tell you about the time my son and I caught a bunch of frogs (of various sizes) and put them in an aquarium in his room and everyday one or more disappeared and we were so confused because the aquarium had a cover but we searched all over my son's room for them (no easy feat considering he has been a hoarder in training for years now) but did not find any frog carcasses until one day-one moment-one sudden second when we both realized at the same time: frogs are freaking cannibals?!
14. #zombiefrogs
15. hashtags
16. setting my timer to 15 minutes to write stream of consciousness and then trying to finish my list before the--

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

#ireallyappreciatethepassiveaggressiveCANCELoption
#becausewhetheripressokorcancelmyportableharddriveisstilltoast
#donotbuyportableharddrivesatwalmart
#whatever
#datapocalypse