Past Imperfect

All summer, in a nod to Canada's 150th birthday, the Art Gallery of Alberta is featuring Canadian art, photography, and sculpture as well as Andy Warhol's Wayne Gretzky prints. Aptly titled Past Imperfect, visitors are invited to write postcards to mail or to add their voices to the exhibit for others to read. There's also a wall display of notes from Canadians describing what they love about Canada.

I was encouraged to read these postcards, these modern, inclusive, Canadian voices: a person offering support to LGBTQ Canadians, a writer questioning why some Canadian Indigenous communities don't have clean water, and an immigrant, who when questioned, described her Canadian boyfriend's ethnicity as "human."

Exactly: human aka humane aka benevolent.

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

Dear Hotel Marketing Team,

Huh? What does this mean? And why is sledgehammer in parenthesis? And why 86-ft exactly? Despite using the word radius, I'm questioning your math. And maybe just say we apologize for the inconvenience instead of attempting a playful tone because this notice only enhances the level of annoying here. Better yet, here's an idea: scrap the dorky signs and offer a discount instead.

?

#thankspaige

What does this sign mean?!

1. Only ladies are allowed?
2. Only ladies and girls are allowed?
3. Only ladies with female babies are allowed?
4. Only ladies with twins are allowed?
5. Only those creepy twins from The Shining are allowed?

Dear Winter,

Enough already?

How are you? Wait. Let ME answer that. You’re enjoying yourself, aren’t you? This is all very entertaining for you, isn’t it?

Remember last year my old friend? Last year your heart just wasn’t in it, was it? Last year you phoned it in, didn’t you? Don’t try to deny it. Essentially you called in sick. Repeatedly. In fact, you took a vacation. And you deserved one. After years of slapping us here and there with snow and ice and sleet and freezing rain and so on, you really did. But this year, you seem a lot different. Oh sure, some days you’re still sweet yet I think it’s important to let you know that, overall, you’ve changed. You really have.

I’d say you got your mojo back. Yup, you sure did. The word “hammer” comes to mind. I don’t really want to point any fingers but what did Edmonton ever do to you? You might want to talk to someone about that. Here in Northern Alberta, it’s like you’re toying with us. Bone snapping wind chill one day, stick-your-tongue-out fluffy flakes the next, followed by a week without the sun. One day it’s 1-2 centimeters, the next it’s 5-10. One day it’s dry bare roads, the next it’s like four-by-fouring down the highway. I found it especially entertaining driving home the other night on snow-packed icy roads through a blizzard and then guess what? The snow stopped long enough for me to spot a grader. In. The. Ditch. It’s a special, special day when graders hit the ditch. I’d like to say I remained confident for the rest of that drive but the truth is my knees became grape jelly. But Winter, despite that nuttiness, I did indeed make it home again. What do I have to complain about right? (Actually shoveling. Every day. That I can complain about too. Just sayin.)

Oh Winter. I love you. I love skidooing and sledding and this barely veiled sarcasm but sometimes Winter, sometimes, I want to karate chop you in the neck.

Sincerely,

Everyone

Kinda Perfect

What do English majors do when it's 30 degrees in Edmonton?

#hangwithnewfriends
#drinkbeer
#read

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

is this
a. my elevator?
b. a horror movie set?
c. a David Suzuki special?
d. Ke$ha's house?

#alloftheabove
#goingdown(tohell)?

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

nothing good can come from this, nothing.

#nope
#justwalkingarounddowntownEdmonton
#falldowngoboom
#ihavevertigojustthinkingaboutit

This is my hood:

The aga is currently featuring
a superb Canadian artist: Alex Janvier.

I found these mirrored tombstone-like characters on the top of the Art Gallery of Alberta today. They remind me of pac-man ghosts. That's probably not exactly a stunning art critique but I'm not too worried about it since they just make me smile.

"What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art." ~Augustus Saint-Gaudens

#curious
#lovethisplace

This is my hood.

Er, that would be Churchill Square.

I'm sick of staggering greed too.

However, the Occupy Edmonton branch of protesters might need a little help with spelling.

#everwideninggapbetweenhaves&havenots
#greedisthedevil
#lotsofweedwaftingoutofthisarea
#seriouslyunderminingtheircredibility
#ifnothingeverchangesnothingeverchanges

This is my hood.

(But only until Sunday.)

Jasper Avenue Moments

Recently I've been working temporarily in downtown Edmonton. Some thoughts:

• I requested the cheapest room I could get in this hotel and so they gave me a wheelchair access room which is groovy but the seat in the shower freaks me out and makes me feel super old.
• I hate cable TV especially channel 5 with its constantly scrolling TV guide that reveals only what's happening in one hour blocks. Annoy. Ing. Ness.
• The paintball episode of Community is one of the funniest things I've watched in forever.
• They sure smoke a lot on Mad Men.
• Bride of Chucky is hilariously bad (as I mentioned, I hate cable TV).
• I'm tired of TV. Can you tell?
• What do crackheads do for a living? (Don't misjudge downtown Edmonton--I only saw two, maybe three.)
• Jasper Avenue makes me :) especially when some Spanish dude on a bike asked me in broken English how to get to West Edmonton Mall.
• Sobeys seems all hip and urban but it's really just a fancy IGA (but I still like their panini sandwiches).
• There should be a reality show featuring people who clean windows on skyscrapers.
• The women at my temporary job are hilarious: "What the fong?!" (Inside joke.)
• Winston Churchill Square seems to be missing. (I looked everywhere.)
• I want to go home.