Wordfuse (Blah Blah Blah Edition)

procrastinate + narrate = procrastinarrate (verb): what those people who are so so so so so lazy busy tend to go on and on and on about, namely all those things on their "to-do lists" that they would have more time to actually do if they did less moaning about how much they have to do.

(Procrastinarrators are way less fun than procrastiknaves.)

This is my hood.

Image from here.

As another challenging Canadian winter approaches, at least it's time again for this.


















#iwishtheystillworekilts
#admittedmalechauvinism
#sheepishface
#youneedstonestocurl
#iloveCanada

Wordfuse (Holiday Edition)

Happy Planksgiving Canada!

#youvebeenplanked
#coldturkey
#thatturkeyhasgoosebumps
#mywifewasmidlyperturbed
#consideringthemodelowlingwouldhavetotallyworkedtoo

I miss when...

Image from here.

hockey could be played without concussions.

Sometimes

Image from here.

Sometimes I wonder why people can't see how awkward I can be.

Sometimes I wonder if I only think people can't see how awkward I can be.

Sometimes people think I'm smarter than I am so they tell me "smart" things and I don't understand what they're talking about but I fake it.

Sometimes I wonder if all my intelligence is actually just fake intelligence.

Sometimes, during a conversation with someone I'm not comfortable with, my brain feels like a multi-lane highway and like shifting to higher gears I fire out conversation topic after conversation topic to gain control of the conversation so the other person thinks I'm really engaged while another part of my brain is scootering alongside in another lane seeking the segue to swerve into the conversation, carjack me and then exit the freeway safely.

Sometimes I believe I am a very good actor but sometimes I wonder if people I'm not really comfortable with just think I'm an asshole.

Sometimes I wonder why there are people in my life that I've known for years and years that I am still not comfortable with.

Things one should never outgrow:

crafting a home-made mini skate-board park. Just 'cause.


















#myteensonisagoofball
#alovablegoofball
#chicksdigthisstuff
#inheritedinabilitytobemature

#wonkygenes
#thismaybesomewhatjackassinspired

#miniatureheadtrauma

I miss when...

The one on the right is exactly what my Dad looked like.

Statler & Waldorf complained from the balcony on The Muppet Show every Tuesday.









#whatwouldtheysayaboutJerseyShore?

Sometimes it's the little things.

Cornflakes you ask?
Believe me. This pic is way better than, well...
let's just say don't google "dead skin flakes."
(And for those of you who will now immediately
feel compelled to google there, don't say I didn't warn you.)

Apparently the average person sheds 40 pounds of dead skin in a lifetime. With no effort. Whatsoever.

No treadmill. No calorie counting. No avoiding the 4 food groups: sugar, salt, fat & alcohol. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yup. This is the PERFECT diet.

Now I just have to figure out how to do this all at once.

An imaginary place?

An imaginary place?

"Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place." ~Zach Braff in the film Garden State










I grew up in a flawed but mostly functional family. Isn't this the norm? Yet I always needed more. But maybe I'm just needy? So when I built my own family, I vowed to give more. Is it ever enough though? It makes me wonder...

Sometimes I think family is like a phantom limb. Even when it's not there...it's there and sometimes you wish it was there again, the way it once was. But that's gone. And because of that it's hard to feel whole.

I wonder about people who grew up in broken broken families. If you grew up in a broken family do you feel cheated, maybe you miss what your friends had? And if you grew up in a unbroken family, a so-called happy family (does it exist?) eventually you had to leave so you are bound to miss it too.

Either way there's heartbreak and longing.

I just don't know. It's so confusing to me now. I'm a failure at this family thing.

But maybe a family isn't like a phantom limb. Maybe a family is more like 70% of the Earth's surface: water. Is this just part of the cycle? I hope so.

Things one should never outgrow:

using your fingers to spell a secret message on your wife's back (when she least expects it).

#hi
#ifarted
#loveyou