Sunday, October 24, 2010

My Enablers (Teens these Days!)

     My children are old enough now to be enablers. It’s great! (Shout out to Lindsay Lohan's mother.
     I've trained my son to bring home rootbeer for me from his job. And it takes practically no convincing whatsoever whenever I ask either of my teens to walk (or drive) to the convenience store and buy ice-cream-on-a-stick. To them, these so called “errands” are definitely not chores. They love spending my money and they also appreciate the opportunity to take their own money (more money I gave them because they never return the change) and buy their own "necessities." Although it's expensive, it’s so convenient! (These are the milestones they never mention in parenting books.)
     There’s only one problem.
     Someone taught them the meaning of hypocrisy.
     Curses!
     My devious teens are often quite skilled at correctly identifying when I’m manipulating them for my own selfish wants. And they also know what would happen if their mother knew. Um, let’s just say that kind of disclosure would be problematic. So call it extortion. Or call it blackmail. But I say, call them brats for threatening to tell their mother about our little “arrangement.”
     But I can play games too. I know their threats are empty because if they spoil the secret, they too will be prevented from ice-cream-on-a-stick and various other treats and indulgences. MUAHAHAHAHAHA right back at you my own little extortionist teen gang! How's Velma going to solve this my little Shaggies?!
     (Who teaches kids to be so devious anyway?)

12 comments:

Didactic Pirate said...

I say you're on safe ground until you ask them to start making beer runs for you.

Missy said...

That "errand" thing does not last long! As soon as they find love, they forget all about their bankers...

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Well, at least you're preparing them for the Real World.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Nice to see you embracing game theory.

Artist and Geek said...

Your wife doesn't read your blog?

dbs said...

@Didactic Pirate I never thought of that.
@Missy We had one in love for a while and I never want that to happen again. 'Nuff said.
@Debra She Who Seeks MTV Real World or just the general real world of motive and manipulation?
@LoC Thanks. I agree.
@Artist and Geek Nope. Well, rarely. And if she does read it, she will forget. See previous post entitled Memory Lane Meanderings.

Just SO said...

Train a child up in the way he should go and he will not depart from it...for a couple of months...or if you are lucky years.

Vinny C said...

The real kicker is that moms usually have the same "arrangement" with their kids... They're just better at covering their tracks.

dbs said...

@Just So Please let it be years!
@Vinny C Very devious and probably quite true.

Nicole said...

And I have 4 potential criminals. I thought the toddler years were tough . . .

Elly Lou said...

Ok FINALLY someone presents an argument for having kids that I can understand.

dbs said...

@Nicole Just wait. Just wait.
@Elly Lou I'm glad I could support your point of view (and believe me, I have lots of arguments against having kids!)

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