Things that deserve the stink-eye:

hmm. I'm just not sure what message someone is trying to send me via the snow on my windshield. Lose your belly fat? Get a haircut? I like your sidelocks? Your head is much much too big for your body?

Any ideas?

Because waffles.

Forget about lemons and lemonade. Sometimes life just feels like one big old greasy bowl of Sunday morning goop. What’s a person to do about that? I say make waffles.

Waffles just might be the secret to everything. Think about it.

1.      Got too much syrup? Waffles.

2.      Pants too tight? One waffle.

3.      Did your flu shot needle hurt? Prescription: waffles.

4.      Did you miss out on cyber Monday because you didn't even know there was a cyber Monday? (Me too.) No worries: waffles.

5.      Long, long day? Waffles. Or better yet: Irish Cream waffles.

6.      Someone used yet another acronym you don’t know? IDK, waffles.

7.      Table with one leg shorter than the rest? Pancake.

8.      Your best tweet ever is a couple of characters over the 140 limit? Waffl.

9.      Your dishwasher has been inoperable for over a month? Waffles on paper plates.

10.  Bite your cheek? Cream cheese waffles.

11.  Your team loses yet again? Waffles and bacon.

12.  Upset stomach? Gluten-free waffles.

13.  Struggle with math? Mini-waffles plus one knife plus one infinite imagination.

14.  What to cook that annoying someone who consistently flip-flops depending on the topic and/or who’s present? With a wry smile, serve waffles.

15.  Nothing to make for supper? Pretty much that IS the universal signal for waffles.

And finally an inspirational quote, by me, “Keep calm because waffles.”

Wordfuse (Feline Edition)

Need this? Source

I'm a cat fan. Always was. I grew up with cats: Tig, Mouse & Bigfoot. Even Satan. I get it. Grumpy cat is really quite ingenious. And I appreciate a cute internet cat pic meme. I do. But cat throw pillows? Especially for a mere $71.95? I'm sorry folks but I've reached my catpactity. 

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

big ass Sharpies 'cause they should be used in a well-ventilated room and they should also probably come with a breathalyzer.

Whoa.

#holeswheremybraincellsusedtobe
#theydomakeawesomefatlinesthough

Things one should never outgrow:

promises.

“Love the trees until their leaves fall off, then encourage them to try again next year.”
~Chad Sugg

Particles

Source

I wrote this last November:

Sometimes I stop for a moment. Pause. And then I notice the way the sun illuminates all the little particles in the air. And they just waft by. Suspended. Yet moving. I wave my arm and those particles scatter. I make them move. I shape their journey. Or I think I do.

There are so many choices we make. With experience, wisdom often makes those choices quicker, easier, somehow more manageable no matter the outcome. And they lead to other choices. And so on. Life is meaningful. And all my proverbial ducks line up mostly the way I want. 

It's pure arrogance.

And then. Bang. Randomness. Something so sickenly random happens. No reason. Something unbelievable. Like an aneurysm. A head-on collision. Cancer. Some other bullshit thing.

And then there's no choice. No way to shift the particles the way I want. The sun still illuminates it all but everything looks different now. Particles wafting. Particles drifting. Shockwaves interfere with everything. And I don't know where things go anymore and I don't know where they come from anymore. All the way up to the stars. 

A year has passed now. I continue to search for perspective but I don't still feel this way. Still is the key word here; the search isn't so turbulent right now. At least not for me. Yet talking with a friend a few days ago, for her it is: particles overwhelming, particles everywhere. I listened to her carefully. I felt her confusion and agreed: it doesn't make sense. At some point in the conversation she pleaded, "What am I supposed to learn from this?"

That's it. That's the question. Right there. We all must keep asking that question. Ask yourself. Ask those you trust. And keep sorting it out. Little by little. Day by day. Friends with friends. Conversation by conversation. Because at least together among those drifting particles illuminated by the sun, both beautiful and infuriating, we will see each other and know that at least there's that: we are not alone in all of this.

"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards." ~V.S. Law

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

My current temperature is NUTS but what's even more nuts? It's expected to all melt by the weekend. Who's in charge?! Oh right: Brick Tamland.

Just in case you needed a reminder...

Indeed.

#thankskids

Things that are most likely the devil:

Take your medicine and assume this position.
Immediately. Take my word for it. 

NarcoticQuil NyQuil.

There's that commercial where the fat guy's wife tosses NyQuil at him and his man-cold morphs into a happy sleep. As a fat guy in need of a cold remedy recently, I consumed the recommended dosage of NyQuil and well, shit happened. What did I learn? Don't drink NyQuil during the day. (Apparently that's DAYQuil.) Don't drive on NyQuil. Don't try to cut vegetables on NyQuil. Don't even walk. Don't do anything. I discovered this the hard way. And by hard way I mean drunk way.

The Importance of Scars

The picture above my desk:
my older brothers and me.

For a while I forgot about the scar at the corner of my right eye. Time has masked it with laugh lines but noticing it again, the story remains fresh. Pondering it now, I realize time has also changed its meaning. Scars are often secrets but this scar in no way began as a secret. I made sure this scar shouted.

My brothers and I were boarding the bus one September morning during my first weeks of school. My oldest brother's impatience got the better of him and he gave me a push to "help" me up the stairs. I bet I was carrying my lunchkit and maybe that's why I didn't put my hands out to brace myself against the fall? Instead, my face introduced itself to the steps, hence the scar.

I do remember crying, probably more like wailing, standing with my Mom, watching the bus drive away. Equipped early with a propensity for drama, I also remember thinking Is my eye going to fall out? Why isn't my Mom taking me to the hospital?! And why is my brother so mean? And why do they get to go to school considering the fact that I'm the only one who likes to go?!

Despite the hullabaloo, my scar is pretty tiny. And like that saying "when things go wrong, don't go with them," longevity and the loss of my oldest brother has taught me that this tiny scar is actually something huge to me now.

I wonder if my brother ever thought about it again? I wonder if he thought about the time a few years later when I punched him in the nose. I had to stand on a snow pile so I was tall enough. A spontaneous act, I remember feeling shocked that I had actually followed through with that very foolish decision. I don't recall what happened afterwards but I suspect G-rated would not describe it.

Revenge. That was always a problem with my brothers. They were older. They were taller. They were stronger. And worst of all, my heart just wasn't into revenge. Although I was always wary of my brother's negative attention, and I was always quick to tell anyone who would listen that they were meaner than mean, I would forget about my elaborate revenge plots and subplots. Eventually, I realized this may have been what irritated them the most about me. I rarely fought back. Plus, as the classic annoying tattletale, I learned fairly quickly that people would actually listen if I told my sibling war stories in such greatly exaggerated detail that even I couldn't keep a straight face while sharing and thus I turned their torture of me into legends that my cousins Laurel and Jo and I would laugh about until we couldn't breathe.

And thinking about this right now, I realized something: I wonder if this scar made me a writer, if indeed my brothers made me a writer. I needed someone to listen and they wouldn't listen unless I entertained them. That is the bigger thing this tiny scar means to me now. So brother, for this scar, I thank you.