Things one should never outgrow:

Things that deserve the stink eye?

This deserves the stink-eye. Literally.

I noticed this message scratched into a bathroom stall in Edmonton recently.

I don't usually reflect much on bathroom stall art but this didn't seem like the usual dubious-anatomy-with-a-phone-number-attached sort of thing commonplace to men's bathroom stalls. And plus I, uh, had to remain there for a while so....

Anyway, I can't decide if the graffiti artist
a. intended viewers to experience a peaceful zen-like moment hidden away in a quiet (?) bathroom far from the busy goings-on elsewhere or
b. intended viewers to, uh, more carefully attend to the typical pffft, plop, whiz, whoosh and other such public bathroom onomatopoeia or
c. is just an impulsive vandal or some sort of Banksy wannabe or
d. frick, I don't know (why can't I stop thinking all the time?!)

Or speaking of Banksy, maybe it has something to do with this?

Cornucopi-uh-huh

Apple Dunne [doon-eh].
It tastes better than it looks.
(I'm not much of a food stylist.)

Thank you Alistair!

I haven't deep fried chocolate bars yet but thanks to my long lost Scottish brother from another mother, I now know how to create dunne. 

Delicious.

Oh yeah. Uh huh. I am now the king of my kitchen bitches.

Just one problem: the recipe only used six apples.






#mywifemademeaddtwoteaspoonsofsugar
#mysonsaysthisisthebestthingheevertasted
#ifitsnotscottishitscrap
#nohaggiswasharmedinthemakingofthisdessert
#westillhaveashitloadofapples

15 Minutes

Image from here.

Need a new motto? Just wait 15 minutes.

Everyday, we are confronted with stress. How should we handle it? Well, maybe we should just wait 15 minutes. Before making a rash decision or a snap judgment, some people apparently wait 15 minutes to determine how they feel or how to react.

It might possibly be genius.

Consider the scenarios. When craving sugar, simply wait 15 minutes for the urge to subside. When angry, simply wait 15 minutes and cool down. When the alarm jolts you awake, simply sleep for 15 more minutes. When someone in your family is banging on the bathroom door, continue showering for 15 minutes. When the phone rings, wait 15 minutes. Yes, the more I think about this, the more I like it.

Seriously though, I have wanted to experiment with this notion and determine if it does indeed work but there’s one problem: I forget. 

Every time I plan to test this theory, I forget. When my teens were screeching and arguing with each other recently, I decided to wait 15 minutes and let them sort it out themselves. So I waited. One minute…two minutes…three hours later I suddenly remembered the experiment. I had forgotten yet again. Doh!

Duh! It was then I realized that is precisely the point. If you don't have a clue what I mean, don't worry, just wait 15 minutes.

Sometimes

Sometimes books even make me dream about them.

This book is completely freaking me out. In a terrifyingly good way. That is not to say that it's a horror story. It's not. And yet it sure feels like one. Chapter 1 makes you ache; chapter 2 punches you in the gut. I can't fathom what's going to happen and I can't wait to keep reading.

And that's all I'm going to say. You know what to do.

Things one should never outgrow:

new toys, even ones that don't yet exist.

I discovered this new word: reverb. I love this word. Defined, reverb is to cause to rebound or echo. Now here's the part I love. You probably already know this but apparently there are a variety of machines that allow musicians to manipulate acoustic sounds and patterns to make digital echoes. They instantly create their own reverb orchestra. It's like what KT Tunstall does with her famous song. Watch her feet:

I want this machine. But not for music. For life.

Imagine the words, and phrases and conversations one could save, return to and play with. Splice together. Be surrounded by. I want a way to reverb and revisit the music of my life. My missed life. My unrecorded life. My lost memories.

Maybe someone singing to herself in the other room. Maybe guitar riffs from another. Maybe Christmas morning kids. Maybe a soft loving whisper. Maybe what turned out to be the last phone call. And especially this: my Dad's voice again.

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

An HGTV moment.

a fancy garbage can. Seriously?

My wife insisted. Behold its leather exterior trimmed with genuine imitation stainless steel. A cow had to die for this? Fake stainless steel was smelted for this? Why would anyone ever need something so fancy to store his used Q-tips until garbage day?

And to further my point, see below to experience the home-decor statement said g-can makes when there's a bag in it....

Real life aka looks like crap.

#lookslikemostothergcansnow
#istoresnotragsanddentalfloss
#toomuchcrapintheworld
#fancifiedplastic
#firstworldproblems

Cornucopi-uh-oh

Now what?

Our apples trees went nuts this year and it all came to a grim climax yesterday.

My wife is going to freak when she sees this but what choice did I have? They were prematurely flinging themselves off the trees like mini bungee-jumpers stricken with hyperactivity disorder.

I had to save them.









#thewifewasaway
#howboutthemapples
#toomanyapplesforthiseye
#badapples
#keepingthedoctorawayforseveralmonths
#mycornucopiarunnethover
#givingawayapples
#firstworldproblems
#octomommoment

Dumb-ats

Look! There's stuff underneath too.
Image from here.

"Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at." ~David Gerrold

I love it when people share with me what they can't do. Yup, it's probably some sort of unhealthy inferiority complex overindulgence kinda thing but I can't help it. Describe to me your ineptitude and I will love you forever.

With that in mind, I must confess just a few (12) of what I like to refer to as my dumb-ats:

-mechanical things aka why does my lawnmower have a dipstick?
-fashion.
-consistently recognizing when someone is toying with me.
-drive-thrus.
-losing weight aka shrinking.
-acting my age.
-shutting up.
-not thinking about peopleofwarlmart.com when I'm in Walmart aka obsessing.
-feeling empathy for hoarders.
-suppressing my movie snobbery aka making stink-eye "noises" during chick-flicks; aka asking seemingly obvious questions during movies that no one wants to think about but because I can't just shut-up I have ruined their suspension of disbelief and they want to stab me.
-listening to my teens without making the "judgmental face" or shaking my head in disbelief.
-phones (A few days ago, I accidentally pressed *89 instead of *98 to check our messages and according to the disembodied voice I am likely responsible for climate change.)

What are your dumb-ats?

Things one should never outgrow:

That line is his bum-chin.

hand faces!

Caption ideas?