|Need new pants?|
Or a Halloween costume?
Image from here.
I have this thing about buying new pants. Here’s the problem: I don’t want to.
So I wear my old pants for as long as possible. Two reasons:
1. If I avoid buying new pants for a year sure they may have frayed bottoms and be threadbare here and there but I bet I was able to make an extra mortgage payment or at least pay for my teens’ clothes because let’s face it: clothes labelled TEEN are marked up 50% plus those walking growth-hormones growth-hormone-out-of-them in about fifteen minutes.
2. I’m bigger than my pants. Er, what I mean by that is that I feel that pants are not really that important in the scheme of things. Let me explain.
Of course, sadly, everyone must wear pants: nine months of Canadian winter necessitate pants. But NEW pants? Seriously, what for? No one in the entire world really cares about my pants. Am I right? (Uh oh. I just realized that I made this entire post seem irrelevant and pointless. Oh well. What else is new?) Let’s be honest. I could not tell you one iota of information about any guy I know in terms of his pants. Who notices that stuff? Actually I would notice if they were pink. Or purple. Or orange. These fashion accidents have indeed happened in the past. But you don’t see anyone in those old photos staring and pointing at some other guy’s pants just because they were bright orange. It may be laughable now but back then, no one cared. This further proves my point. Anyway….
I admit that I do notice women’s pants. And sure they look good but you know what? I feel sorry for women. Who is making their pants?! They almost always seem one size too small. And someone cut the tops off them. To compensate (and to avoid plumber’s crack) woman are now forced to wear very long shirts. Ladies: this is what happens when you care too much about pants. Manufacturers start plotting. They start thinking fancy. And you get fancy pants aka messed-up pants. Poor poor women.
This brings me to my wife. Unprompted, she ordered some new pants. For me. I tried them on and they fit. But then I looked at the price. Nixed. I asked her to return them.
But then what happened? SHE BROKE HER MARRIAGE VOWS and did not return those pants. Apparently, she washed them a few times, placed them in my closet and I have been wearing them for months. *duped face*
Do all wives do this?! And does this mean I wear the pants I didn’t know I had in this relationship?