No. More.

There’s something you all should know. And by all I mostly mean some of you. Something another guy revealed to me. Something serious. Something important. Something both women and men should know. I like to call it: the truth.

It has to stop. Sure, sure, everyone’s laughed about it at one time or another but enough is enough. It. Must. Stop. The joking and discrimination is unfair and unkind and unacceptable. Everyone knows it yet the intolerance continues. The time for empathy, for understanding, for respect is NOW. This is another one of those turning points in history, a watershed moment, a milestone marker along this journey in life.

According to an article published in the National Post, scientists have proven that “men actually suffer more when they are struck down with illness because high levels of testosterone can weaken their immune response.”

Minus the science-y words this is essentially what men have been saying for years! Take that ladies.

I am not making this up. This is for realz. I bet PeterMansbridge leads with this story every morning when he looks in the mirror to shave and practice looking cool for the CBC National News. Why aren’t more people talking about this?!

Plus, scientists have also determined that men with higher levels of testosterone feel MORE PAIN when they ARE sick.

Boom.

I know eh?

So guess what? That commercial about that guy whose wife refers to him as a 200 pound baby is pure sexism sanctioned and encouraged by millions of women all over the world. Truth be told, I’ve even laughed at those “I survived man-flu like a big boy” mugs. But no more.

No more. 

Things that deserve the stink-nose:

gymnasiums.

#highschoolboysvolleyball
#smellslikeabighockeybag
#shouldbesponsoredbyfebreeze
#gonumber10!

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

So that's what skinny dippin' smells like. 


















#scentsywicklesscandles
#weirdshit
#stuffwomensellatparties
#ifonlywillylomanhadknownaboutthis
#scratch&snifftupperwareidea

Things that are most likely the devil:

About the size of quarters.
*visualizes one frying right through my tongue*

Look carefully at these tiny peppers? Does anyone recognize them?

My wife grew them but she can't remember what they're called. They look innocent but I am convinced they are irrefutably evil. We all know that the smaller the pepper, the hotter the pepper. We think they might be habaneros. We're afraid. Very afraid. Mostly because of the time my wife wiped her nose after chopping jalapenos and had to shove her face in an ice bath.





#whatnow?
#whydidmywifegrowthese?
#oneofthesekilledpeterpiper
#overwhelmingdesiretopoponeinmymouth
#whoisstupidenough?
#weareafraiddorks
#wecanadiansgetfreakedoutbyexcessiveheat
#maybewearewrong?
#arethesepeppersactuallyinnocuous?
#firstworldproblems

Things that are most likely the devil:

This is the pail of slop that I dug out of my eaves-troughs (aka gutters) yesterday.

Yup. This is my life. Take that Ashton Kutcher.














#smellslikethawingcatpeecompost
#smellslikethedumpsterbehindaplaceofferingcheappedicures
#smellslikecabbageandredwinevinegarinaditch
#smellslikeasewerwaterpopscicle
#smellslikeabagofexpiredblood
#smellslikeadeaddeerwithgingivitis
#smellslikewhatiguesshyenabuttersmellslike
#smellslikethehairballwedugoutofthedrainwhenwemovedthebathtubearlierthisyear
#smellslikeishouldneverchewmynailsagain
#smellslikesomeonepayingAshtonKutcher$700000perepisode

What's the one thing that doesn't change as you grow older?

Someone mentioned the other day that she saw photos on the computer of some of her old high school friends and oh my, unlike us we decided, they had aged so much! We laughed. Ha ha ha! We’re still so young aren’t we? LOL. Ha ha. Um. Ha.

Coincidentally (like a week later), I received a new passport in the mail. This made me wonder about my first passport (now twenty years old) and so I dug it out, opened it up and thought: wow, I’m hot. Then, just for interest sake I decided to place my old passport next to my new passport and marvel at how my hotness has evolved.

Here’s the thought process that ensued. Then. Now. Then? Now? THEN! NOW! WHAT?!

I’ll explain it another way: you know when you are outside and its late and completely black and maybe you’re taking the garbage out or whatever and even though you know better you suddenly feel like someone is watching you and then that chill runs down your body like someone just threw cold water on you? You know that feeling? Yeah? Well this felt more alarming. Comparing my passports can only be described one way: stupefying. Seriously. Why?

That guy is not me. And coincidentally, I am not him. But I have his memories! And he has mine! How is that possible? Seriously, I look at that guy and he has a different chin, a different shaped-head, different eyes, different eyebrows, his ears are smaller; he even has an Adam’s apple! Oddly enough, we still have one thing in common: our nostrils. Seriously. That’s it. Complete strangers who share nostrils.

Comparing those photos was like suddenly getting a phone call from a strange doctor who must confess before he dies that he switched you at birth with another baby except he’s not really a doctor; he’s actually a time traveller and you weren’t a baby; instead you were in your twenties. Okay. That doesn’t make sense but HOW IS IT POSSIBLE that everything about me has changed in twenty years, everything except my nostrils?!

Since I am not prepared to face the reality of my complete transformation from heartthrob to mall cop, I have another theory. It’s just like that new movie Avatar. I think I’m an avatar. Think about it. The young studly version of me is sitting around a really big screen TV right now with his buddies and they are all controlling old dude versions of themselves (mine is forcing me to write stupid things in the newspaper) and they are laughing like maniacs.

Wait a minute. That can’t be it. Young guys wouldn’t waste their time sitting around doing that. Um, maybe I was abducted? Maybe it was leprechauns? Or maybe....

Ah heck. I guess there’s one thing to be happy about: my nostrils haven’t aged one bit.