Things that deserve the stink-nose:

I know a guy who needs this so I bought it for him.

Don't ask. (But oh the stories I could tell.)

Let's be honest.

Okay guys, just a heads up: when a group of ladies want the window open, then damn well leave the window open, or else. 

(Or else they will put up a sign and stare at you and things will just get awkward.)

#womandate
#strestrogen

Things that are most likely the devil:

About the size of quarters.
*visualizes one frying right through my tongue*

Look carefully at these tiny peppers? Does anyone recognize them?

My wife grew them but she can't remember what they're called. They look innocent but I am convinced they are irrefutably evil. We all know that the smaller the pepper, the hotter the pepper. We think they might be habaneros. We're afraid. Very afraid. Mostly because of the time my wife wiped her nose after chopping jalapenos and had to shove her face in an ice bath.





#whatnow?
#whydidmywifegrowthese?
#oneofthesekilledpeterpiper
#overwhelmingdesiretopoponeinmymouth
#whoisstupidenough?
#weareafraiddorks
#wecanadiansgetfreakedoutbyexcessiveheat
#maybewearewrong?
#arethesepeppersactuallyinnocuous?
#firstworldproblems

Memory Lane Meanderings

The one in which I recall 5 things that made me run like my butt was on fire:

1. one adorable orange fluffy and completely rabid fox that I had to fight off with snowballs in the parking lot of my workplace (just imagine the surveillance video footage).
2. one out-of-control snowboarder. (It's challenging running on skiis.)
3. one moose. (I was on a lawn tractor at the time which I thought would startle that moose a.k.a. small dinosaur, but that beast just scoffed at my dinky tractor and charged, so I pooped my pants and ran.)
4. Adelle Hardie after I spit a loogie in her hair on the first day of Grade 5. (Nope. Not proud.)
5. one vice-principal.