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| Ta-da! |
Some reports claim that a toddler hears the word
no more than 400 times daily. Hmm. I have no problem with the word no. It's necessary. Think consent, boundaries, safety, logic, discipline....
Yet, regarding the default (and potential) overuse of no, here's to using language intentionally to provide a possible solution:
a yes space. These are spaces, places, zones, and situations where children are encouraged to (safely) be independent, less restricted, and make their own choices—spaces where they will rarely hear
no.
So when I spotted a vintage elementary school desk in a thrift store recently, I thought of my grandkids, and bought that solid-wood gem for a mere $15. Although it had no structural issues or damage, I spent a weekend refinishing it (sanding sanding sanding), restoring it to raw wood followed by three coats of a child-safe water-based finish (more sandings between each). However, I did leave the marker scribbles under the desktop. As with any of the many furniture pieces I've refinished over three decades, my aim is never to erase its history, only extend it.
She won't turn three until Winter, so my middle granddaughter (I) has several years until she starts school, but I knew this desk was perfect for her. She has a new brother, and although he's crawling now, he's not quite yet a playmate, so she continues to be engaged in and content with imaginative self-directed play. She loves flat surfaces where she can arrange her toys ("guys") to tell stories, pretend to cook for her customers, read her books, draw and write. Typically whenever she creates something, she remarks, "Ta-Da!" 😍Plus, her parents tell me she also now prefers to eat her lunch at her desk, ha. And if she marks it up or spills paint or whatever, I say yes, yes, yes. Let this desk be a part of her child wonder-factory, her yes space.
Dear friends, did you grow up with yes spaces?
...and I bought a John Deere peddle tractor for our first grandchild before he was born!
ReplyDeleteWell done, Tom. Every kid should have a tractor of some kind.
DeleteYou are thoughtfully making good yes-full spaces for the grandkids.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am. :)
DeleteWe had small desks to that looked like our school ones. Great area to sit and make stuff up and be creative. :)
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Look how well it worked on you!
DeleteHow wonderful!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad she likes it.
DeleteI was born in 1962, there were no yes spaces:)
ReplyDeleteYou did a beautiful job on that desk and she is lucky to have it and you.
It's true...I had no yes spaces either. But, as a Gen X'er there was no one home to say no. I suspect yes spaces would have been mocked along with the entire notion of healthy childhood development. Sigh. Nevertheless, I did enjoy being free range sometimes and thanks to raising myself, I have the scars to prove it.
DeleteThat is a beautiful desk, which will be treasured for years.
ReplyDeleteThankyou. Yes, I hope she has it forever.
DeleteI love this post so much. When I was a kid, I loved loved LOVED having my own desk. I think it was one of the reasons I went into teaching, that love affair with a desk.
ReplyDeleteIt's true that there can be a lot of No in a toddler's world. I'd like to think it's because safety is such a huge concern. As a grandparent myself, I rarely say No to my almost-three grandson. That's more indulgence, though, than anything.
Honouring the history of older items is a big deal for me, too. It's far better to connect with people, the past, and Life than to erase them.
Thank you for such a thoughtful response. I'm happy you had a childhood desk; I think I would have loved having one too. Yes, to objects with a (hi)story and to celebrating that.
DeleteI love this on so many levels. Keeping the history even if restoring. I didn't hear a lot of yes growing up.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Peggy. Like many Gen X kids, I didn't hear yes a lot either, nor no, as my parents typically weren't home.
DeleteNot many yes spaces at home, no. But I found them in books and music and travel.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't thought about that...absolutely, books and music (and art) were yes spaces for me too. Well said.
DeleteThe desk is great! I love that you didn't erase the past.
ReplyDeleteMy parents weren't very good at yes. I tried very hard (and sometimes succeeded) in making those spaces for my own children. Real art supplies, as many books as we could grab at Goodwill, craft materials and space to work. Was it a mess? Most of the time, yes.
The lessons learned from my own upbringing and the joy that creativity brought to my children is now what I draw on to make our after school zone a place where kids can make and create and find the joy.
I don't have to tell you but I will anyway: you did a great job on that desk. It's gorgeous. Love the colour. -Kate
ReplyDeleteHave you posted more extensively on the blog about your childhood? You mention it in passing and as I'm relatively new here, if you have written about it, please point me to it. -Kate
ReplyDeleteSuch a perfect gift, I remember my brother and I having a school desk prior to starting school. I'm sure the insides were atrocious with cookie crumbs and whatever - but I loved my desk! She gets a little space without worrying about the meddling hands of her baby brother.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! That is absolutely beautiful! It’s nothing like the desks we had growing up in Hawaii. I recall our desks being decades old and very banged up with scratched names, etc. on the wood.
ReplyDelete