I want an accordion.

Image from here.

I know we’re well into it now but I’ve only really just discovered something about the 21^st century.

It sounds different. Significantly different.

And I’m not talking about the accordion from the 70s that never ever shows up at parties anymore. (Wouldn’t it be cool if it did?! Just imagine someone pulling out an accordion and lettin’ her rip. I’m 96% sure everyone would freak out in a good way. And then it would be on Youtube and there would be like nine million hits and then BAM somebody’s on a talk show. Whoa. No one steal this idea. Seriously. If only I had an accordion.... Okay I’m back from kijiji. Accordions are expensive. And I’m cheap. Let’s just say that if someone had an old accordion hoarded in their basement and if that someone were to anonymously leave said musty accordion outside my back door I would not turn up my nose at your shenanigans and if you also left me a bag of chocolate chips I would lovingly dedicate my first talk show accordion performance to you and only you.)

Anyway, back to my scheduled topic: what does the 21^st century sound like?

Mmmmmmmup. Mmmmmmmmp. Mmmmmmmp.

Come on reader. You know what this is. The first time it woke me up in my bedroom one early morn I visualized a tiny kidnap victim, his mouth duct-taped shut, hidden somewhere deep in my clothes basket. But it doesn’t always sound that way. Sometimes I hear an 80s tune. Sometimes there are quacks.

There are now four cell phones buzzing and beeping and distracting me in my home every day. And even when they are supposedly asleep, I sometimes hear their Mmmmmmp and I recall the frogs croaking outside my childhood window and I wonder are these phones sending messages to each other. Yeah I know: duh. What I meant is that perhaps these phones are communicating with each other in ways unbeknownst to us. Suspicious ways. Sometimes I come into the room and I swear I just heard one of them Mmmmmmp but guess what? Silence.

Think. About. That.

I guess I just long for the past. An uncomplicated less paranoid past. A past when people played accordions. A past like this: “The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875. In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone.” -Bill DeWitt 

That silence sounds great to me.