Things that are most likely the devil:

4 in 1 former bachelors from
 the ABC network agree.

Men: uh, I hate to tell you this but there could be a killer in your closet right now. This assassin might be colourful. This slayer may have spots. Or stripes. This predator may be sleek and attractive or so ugly you can’t imagine how something so hideous could exist in there. It may even be seriously loud but it doesn't make a peep. Regardless of its particular characteristics beware: it’s a lethal killer just waiting to wrap itself around your neck. 

I’m talking about killer neckties. Yup. Killer ties. The classic Fathers’ Day gift is apparently a ticking time bomb. Let me explain, or better yet, let the former Bachelor doctor guy explain. (I'm quite sure he knows a thing or two about uh, bacteria.)  

Apparently microbiologists have determined that “organisms can survive on a tie for up to 80 days.” So basically, that salmon you had at that wedding two months ago: it's doing the funky mitosis on your favourite tie right now.  

So what are we guys supposed to do? Dry-clean. Regularly. 

Yeah. No. Not likely. 

I'm clearly not a scientist but that's never stopped me before so therefore I authorize you to employ the microwave treatment. That kills everything. I mean look what it does to bacon. It's just science, peeps.

However, nuclear microwave radiation only helps those who help themselves so you must use caution when you encounter neckties elsewhere. Particularly in their natural habitat. I'm talking about family weddings. When you spot Great Uncle Bernie and that noxious tie he’s been sporting since 1982 and he moves in to give you a big hug, slowly back away to a safe distance, smile and give him a thumbs up instead. If that doesn't work, pepper-spray him with some Lysol. Chances are he won't remember much from the evening anyway. You're welcome.