Wordfuse (Oscars Edition)

It's inspiring to witness someone's dream come true. This might be part of the appeal of the Oscars.


It's not so inspiring when an actor's dream accomplishment is overshadowed by cosmetic surgery gone so awry that one watching is moved to fuse the words surgery and REALLY?

#whoa
#notfoolinganyone
#remembertothankyourdoctor
#poordeludedmickeyrourke
#imagineseth&amysayingit

I had no idea.

Whistling in the dark?

I always wanted to be a father. I had no idea.

Being a father is hard. It's not like my two teens make it hard, at least not any harder than any other kids do. I love my kids like I love writing. More. But I had to grow into this role.

I am not a friend to my teens. I do not treat them as equals. Instead, I'm a coach. That's how I would describe it. Their personalities demand it. I teach. Encourage. Discipline. Enforce boundaries. Help set goals. Advise. Make them think. Steer them toward their talents. Question their choices. Force them to make choices. Push. Pull. Mentor. Counsel. Cheer. Convince. Collaborate (to a point). Remind them to shake it off. Believe in them. Caution them when they win. Love them when they lose. And sometimes I just let them play while I go regroup.

I wish I could be more, and less. Less selfish. I wish I were one of those born-to-be-a-father fathers. They do exist. I know some. Sure. They're human. They only seem perfect. But still...

Don't tell them, but there are times when I don't father my teens. And you know what? Those are my absolute favourite times being a father. Those times are rare. Some examples:

When we travel together. Our favourite trips north south east west mean so much to me: wandering together, discovering, exploring, sharing. Love that. When I listen to my son play guitar. When I listen to my daughter sing. When my son and I golf; I never act like a parent during those excursions. (We eat chips, catch frogs, find lost golf-balls; I let him lead; he's a much better golfer than I am.) And I'm never the parent when my daughter and I discover a new song or new book or a quirky movie to share, discuss, revel in.

It probably doesn't seem like much. But that's just the way it is. Right now anyway. When they were young, everything was a discovery together: snow, debating if the moon is a boy or a girl, the ocean floor covered with starfish. Loved that. But they are becoming their own people now, just as they always were, just as it should be.

Yes. Fathering is hard. I had no idea.

Let's be honest (California Version):

#1Thing i have learned in California: earthquakes are weird.
Somewhere between the Universal studios tour (during which we experienced a simulated earthquake) and the Mummy ride (which flung us hither and thither in the dark), L. A. experienced the secondary effects of a 7.2 magnitude earthquake. 

 
And um, we didn't even notice. Not. A. Blip. 

 
Locals were likewise blasé but at least they knew. Not until we watched the news later that night did we realize what happened. Trinket-laden, map-reading, meandering (and apparently shaking) tourists can truly define clueless. I guess we proved that theory. Check.

Random Impressions of California (the Good and the Ugly)

1. When Maggie sucked on us in the Simpsons Ride!!!!
2. The Norman Bates actor on the Universal studios lot creeped me out.
3. Both us and the Pasichnuks seriously considered making our kids go through every all-you-can-eat restaurant (beverages not included! WTH?) at Universal Studios as many times as possible! And VIP passes are fantastic!
4. The pine tree crosses.
5. The hilariously bad Pirate Show at Knott's Berry Farm was like the old 80s Gladiator series minus decorum.
6. Bill the tour-bus guide really enjoyed asking questions and then did not listen to the answers.
7. The fact that I didn't realize my camera was taking pictures as it hung from my hand.
8. "We're just going to add our gratuity to your bill and then add taxes on top of it." Shame shame America.
9. "I'm so happy to be sitting down I think I have an _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _."
10. As my wife laughs hysterically, "I DON'T LIKE THIS ONE! I DON'T LIKE THIS ONE!"