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Friday, May 27, 2011

How To?

This is my nemesis new dishwasher.
I installed my new dishwasher by MYSELF. And in ten easy DIY steps I learned a &#%!ng important lesson.

How to Install a Dishwasher
1. Eat a bag of Aero Bubbles and wait until 8:00 in the evening to begin.
2. Read the handy instructions on how to remove the new dishwasher from the packing box. Wow. Thank goodness for those.
3. Simultaneously relieve and prolong the anxiety by blogging about the forthcoming project.
4. Tweet about it.
5. Watch how-to YouTube videos.
6. Read the actual instructions.
7. Spend two hours revising the instructions and troubleshooting. Sweat. Improvise. Turn off the wrong breaker. Zap yourself. Turn off all the power. Fight with a fading flashlight. Sweat. Test power. Check. Double check all the hoses.
8. Suddenly realize with complete clarity and confidence: I installed my new dishwasher and I am positive it is going to work!!! Seriously. Holy crap.
9. Open interior to remove the packing material to allow for a test run. Pull out the top rack and notice that it sticks. Look inside at the top of the new dishwasher and discover the interior is damaged beyond repair and it will have to be returned. Suddenly realize the entire two hours was an utter waste of time.
10. Go lie down and cry for a while.
Posted by DB Stewart at 11:26 PM
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19 comments:

  1. Al PenwasserMay 27, 2011 at 11:30 PM

    I'm with ya, brudder. I once spent an entire day wallpapering a bathroom. It wasn't until I asked my wife to check out my handiwork that I realized I had put it all upside-down.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Antares CryptosMay 27, 2011 at 11:33 PM

    LOL. I'm laughing with you.
    Been there, done(all of) that, ruined the T-shirt.

    Psssst. I'm not on-line right now.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Beta DadMay 28, 2011 at 12:21 AM

    Oh, fuck. I've done almost the same thing. Our stackable washer and dryer were jacked up and I didn't know until I had 'em installed. There was nothing complicated about the install, just a lot of work hauling the damn things around and doing the stacking.

    ReplyDelete
  4. SultanMay 28, 2011 at 2:23 AM

    Dear God, you desperately need some minions!

    ReplyDelete
  5. NubianMay 28, 2011 at 2:56 AM

    So I take it no butt crack picture today?

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousMay 28, 2011 at 5:35 AM

    Ummmm...maybe they'll throw in a free install for the next one?

    Dude, this sucks for you but is hilarious for us! Also, you should make your "Things that are the devil" title a meme! It would be so much fun!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Debra She Who SeeksMay 28, 2011 at 6:01 AM

    I feel your pain. You need more Aero bubbles.

    ReplyDelete
  8. ChelleMay 28, 2011 at 6:46 AM

    OMG. HORRIBLE.

    ReplyDelete
  9. DB StewartMay 28, 2011 at 9:26 AM

    @AP That sucks too.
    @AC Glad I'm not the only one.
    @BetaDad Yup. That's the perfect word. And thanks for your empathy.
    @LoC Yes. I absolutely do.
    @Nubian Pending.
    @Mel What a good idea. Both of them.
    @DSWS Yes. I. Do.
    @Chelle Thanks Chelle. Sorry I missed your latest contest.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sarah May 28, 2011 at 9:30 AM

    Oh, that sucks. To your credit, you got through all the steps. I would have stopped after number one and gone right to number 10.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Mrs. TunaMay 28, 2011 at 9:43 AM

    I was scared the Big Tuna was going to have to replace the dishwasher this weekend since the stupid soap was getting stuck.

    Fortunately, it was only the extra tall dishes that blocked but faked me out.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Contrary GuyMay 28, 2011 at 10:20 AM

    Naps do help.

    That is a universal truth.

    ReplyDelete
  13. karensomethingorotherMay 28, 2011 at 11:29 AM

    karen's guide to installing or putting ANYTHING together: 1) Call my brother. The end.

    ReplyDelete
  14. AlittlespriteMay 28, 2011 at 4:47 PM

    OMG that really really sucks.
    Hope you tear the store a new one!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nicole Leigh ShawMay 28, 2011 at 6:36 PM

    No! Agony. That's as craptacular DIY karma.

    ReplyDelete
  16. SherilinRMay 28, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    ugh for you! i bet it was f-bomb city up in your place that night!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Selina KingstonMay 29, 2011 at 1:24 AM

    Oh no! I'm crying with you....

    ReplyDelete
  18. michael.offworldJune 1, 2011 at 6:35 AM

    Damn.

    ReplyDelete
  19. NickiJune 14, 2011 at 9:04 AM

    This is my wide-eyed frightened look.

    ReplyDelete

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