Thursday, May 26, 2011

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

Dear People who box dishwashers,
Thank you for providing instructions as to how to remove it from the box.
Sincerely condescended to,
Okay. In this box is our new dishwasher. I'm about to install it. 'Cause I'm suddenly handy-man-like (and I can even display my butt-crack if necessary). AAAAND this DIY project is going to go so well and so smoothly that my wife won't tease me when she returns home and we won't have to replace the ceiling in the basement because water leaked there all night yesterday. (Oh yeah, too late; that already happened.) This project is GOING TO BE SUCH A SUCCESS that I suspect someone will soon offer me a show on HGTV, working title: Hot Fat Guy Googles How to do Stuff.


The Defiant Marshmallow said...

As if the first two steps weren't goofy enough, the third step in the instructions is downright befuddling. Does the manufacturer really think that once you get the box open you need to be told to lift it off of the dishwasher?


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Who the hell are you trying to kid? Like you need an excuse to show your butt-crack. I've heard the stories!

Nubian said...

Okay so we have had a picture of the floors that are not square and the dishwasher box... do we get a picture of the butt crack next?

Antares Cryptos said...

Look on the bright side, at least the instructions came with grammar.

Nicole Leigh Shaw said...

I'm sure the box opening is the hardest part. The rest should be a cake walk.

Alittlesprite said...

#3 Really?
I thought it was going to be,
3. Throw down flight of stairs.

Like the box that contained my son's plastic table and chair set. Picture on box was of two children sitting at said table.
Side of box said:
"Children not included"

michael.offworld said...

You are not alone! I decided that I didn't need to pay the totally opaque service department at Honda for my "recommended" maintenance this month. Shit, I can undo bolts, I said. Just sell me the fluids.

It took me most of a day to change the oil in the transmission, diff, and transfer case. My garage floor has a large stain that sort of resembles those blood stains that the hapless killer has tried to wash away with bleach on CSI. My children have learned some new words. And, best part, I, by myself, twisted a socket extension in half. I felt like the Hulk. (That was the toughest bolt in the world. Why did it have to be that tight!?)

In the end though, I bloody did it. Everything works and I didn't have to submit to the snickering, secretive mechanics who do their work (supposedly) behind closed doors.

Yes, we are awesome.

Ryan said...

Real men don't need instructions......that's why these things usually go tits up.

Missy said...

I am jealous! I need a dishwasher and a handy man husband! LOL

Julie said...

Bless you, I hope this works better for you than some of my home projects.

Cheeseboy said...

I'm not gay, but I'd still watch that show.

Munk said...

My eyes is a stinkin'.

Al Penwasser said...

And don't forget about the miracle which is duct tape. It can fix everything from a broken heart to the crack of dawn (or crack of butt).

Chelle said...

One handyman project begets another.

DB Stewart said...

@TheDM Unreal eh?
@DSWS *sheepish look*
@Nubian Next time I'm drinking, if I remember.
@AC Ha!
@Nicole The whole project wasn't that bad except for the damn twist at the end.
@alittlesprite Ha! Wow.
@Michael No man...YOU are awesome. I can be very determined too but vehicles freak me out.
@Ryan Truer words never spoken.
@Missy Then I'm (not) your man.
@Julie Thank you.
@Cheeseboy HA!!!
@Munk Ditto.
@AP Yes. Duct tape has solved a few of my project woes.
@Chelle I think it even says that in the bible.

Marylinn Kelly said...

Things that deserve the stink there's something to think about. What a fine and witty subject.

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