Long ago, it was quite easy to talk with my kids and I frequently enjoyed our discussions but now any little thing could ignite a blaze aka a debate that frankly I am occasionally too fraught to engage in. My new mantra? Pick your battles. However, despite employing the silent approach, the conversation is still raging in my mind and sometimes I just need to set those thoughts free, just push them out of the nest and let them fly or even plummet to the ground. Would you mind? Maybe some other parents of teens can relate? And if you don’t yet have teens, don’t judge me ok? I don’t claim to know any better than anyone else what I was thinking when I decided I was qualified to raise children. That said, I apologize in advance for these:
1. You are not as cool as you think you are. Seriously.
2. If I recorded what you just said (with such astoundingly clueless conviction) and sent it to top scholars at all the major universities they would want to study you from behind a two-way mirror.
3. You might want to look up narcissist in the dictionary.
4. No, I will never buy another thing for you. Ever.
5. You are dead wrong. I assure you.
6. Right now, in this house, in these circumstances and comparing the two of us, YES, yes indeed, I do in fact know everything. Ev. Er. Ree. Thing.
7. Newsflash: everyone is a hypocrite. Especially you.
8. Someday you will realize I’m not as old as you think I currently am.
9. Something is seriously, seriously wrong with you.
10. SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!