Saturday, July 14, 2012

Let's be Honest (Teen Edition)

There’s this line. As the parent of teenagers, I am constantly skirting a line between when to speak up and when to hold back. It’s extremely challenging for me.

Long ago, it was quite easy to talk with my kids and I frequently enjoyed our discussions but now any little thing could ignite a blaze aka a debate that frankly I am occasionally too fraught to engage in. My new mantra? Pick your battles. However, despite employing the silent approach, the conversation is still raging in my mind and sometimes I just need to set those thoughts free, just push them out of the nest and let them fly or even plummet to the ground. Would you mind? Maybe some other parents of teens can relate? And if you don’t yet have teens, don’t judge me ok? I don’t claim to know any better than anyone else what I was thinking when I decided I was qualified to raise children. That said, I apologize in advance for these:

1.      You are not as cool as you think you are. Seriously.
2.      If I recorded what you just said (with such astoundingly clueless conviction) and sent it to top scholars at all the major universities they would want to study you from behind a two-way mirror.
3.      You might want to look up narcissist in the dictionary.
4.      No, I will never buy another thing for you. Ever.
5.      You are dead wrong. I assure you.
6.      Right now, in this house, in these circumstances and comparing the two of us, YES, yes indeed, I do in fact know everything. Ev. Er. Ree. Thing.
7.      Newsflash: everyone is a hypocrite. Especially you.
8.      Someday you will realize I’m not as old as you think I currently am.
9.      Something is seriously, seriously wrong with you.

Sorry but I just needed that. I can now go back to being a self-controlled, respectable grown-up who models good behaviour. Usually.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Oh, this made me laugh. Now that I'm middle-aged, I finally recognize how the adults in my life when I was a teenager held their tongues while I blathered on and I blush.

Jamie said...

I survived two teenage daughters. Barely.
I now am on life long meds due to a severe allergy to those little...demons.

Tim Riley said...

Ah, the internal mind of a parent. Good stuff dbs. Sometimes you gotta vent.

Alistair said...

You should addL

"You're not wrong - but you're not as right as I am!

wendy said...

All 10 VALID.
Hey I raised 5 teens........and even now would not profess to know the right things to do or say.

The Defiant Marshmallow said...


Four sons, three made it through teendom, one remaining. And he is on my very last nerve because of all the things you wrote of, plus more.

Symdaddy said...

I am a Pisces.

Daughter (21) is a Pisces.

Pisceans DO NOT get along.

She would argue white was black if I declared myself as pro-white!

If she does something wrong, like the time she baked biscuits and went out while they were still in the oven, she CANNOT accept responsibility or blame.

I came home once to the smoke alarm blaring and an oven (containing charcoal) billowing smoke.

After later pointing out the danger's of what she had done, she replied "Well, why didn't you turn the oven off when the timer beeped?"

"Because I was at work!" I replied.

"Well that's not MY fault is it!" she snapped as she flounced off.

No one flounces like a 21 year old piscean!

CLR said...

OH.MY.GOSH. You have read my mind. I know exactly what you mean by struggling between what you want to say and holding back, trying to find that ever elusive line. I"m right in the midst of it now - two kids, ages 19 and 17 (today!). It's a wonder any of us will be able to talk in our golden years for all the tongue biting we do during this stage!

Laoch of Chicago said...

Well said: I didn't appreciate how smart and savvy my parents were when I was a teenager.

Michael said...

I saw The Tempest Friday. You should go. There's some fantastic cursing in it.

Nubian said...

And I want you to know that when they turn 20 it is still very much the same.

My response is now "12 hours hard labor during an earthquake with 14 stiches in the vajayjay for this?"

Shuts him up quickly. (therapy material)

Kerry said...

Yeah you do need to vent sometimes. It's better than holding hour breath for the next 10 years, waiting for them to grow out of it. But they will, I assure you.

--Tumbleweed said...

These were all great, but I I loved 2 and 8.

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