FOMO

Our precocious, fast-moving
youngest granddaughter, I. 

Although my grandchildren's personalities are unique (and in development), they all seem to display one common trait: FOMO. 

It's the reason they're so disarming. 

I love it when all three grandkids are together with us, but let's just say I am the JOMO to their FOMO. So when they wiggle their way into my lunch, my laptop, my life... I am summarily overwhelmed and yet also joyously powerless to resist them, similar to Elizabeth Olsen's vibe in this puppy interview, lol. I recall a comedian once remarking that he had no idea that parenting his first toddler would be similar to living with his university roommate if said roommate were drunk 24/7. To hell with boundaries, amirite?

Oh sure, I know how to to gently redirect and distract when necessary, for their safety, for their education, etc. etc.... but at this stage in my life I avoid imposing myself. Why? We earned it: grandparents often take advantage of the privilege to laugh about it and let their parents figure it out. But the real reason? These kids are the nervous system reboot I never knew I needed right now in my life; like the Grinch, they make my heart grow three sizes, minimum. 

Currently, my youngest granddaughter is the perfect age for this puppy-like pandemonium, so that's why I thought she needed to celebrate the way she jumps into life (and off the slide) with both feet; hence, she has her very own FOMO been-there, done-that, bought the t-shirt t-shirt. 

Things one should never outgrow:

new ingredients.

It may surprise you, but that's turnip. This humble vegetable is a staple in Scotland, and thus it reminds me of my grandparents, so I use turnips in savory recipes often. When I discovered turnip is the main ingredient IN A CAKE (Spiced Neeps Traybake from The Scottish Cookbook), I felt compelled to master this recipe.  

Similar to carrot cake's texture, it's an absolute hug of a cake: a warm combination of cinnamon, ginger, and orange zest. Would my Grandma be impressed? I picture her smiling at me so, of course; I could do no wrong. 

Speaking of new ingredients, Canada is choosing a new Prime Minister today and a new federal government. Advanced voting suggests Canadians are engaged in what many tout as the most important election of our lives. It's true; the next four years will be no cake walk.   

My ideal Canadian leader was Terry Fox; although his shoes are impossible to fill, the leader Canadians choose today also faces a marathon. So my hope is that we choose a leader with the right ingredients, like Terry—courage, compassion, determination, perseverance, humility—a leader committed not to advancing himself, but to maintaining what we cherish and facilitating change that improves the lives of others. Plus, a leader who brings new ingredients like experience, knowledge, imagination, and finally, a leader who aims to unite us, a leader we can trust. Who is this leader? He's the opposite of the US president. 

Things that deserve the stink eye?

Looks like this cheeky kid/sidewalk artist was having a lousy day. 

One can only imagine what prompted this child's affront, but no judging: we all need a pep talk occasionally. Perhaps this child would benefit from Moira Rose's special brand of parenting? 🤣

Gaffe-able?

This meme triggered a memory. 

Once, while walking through a park, a person I know appeared from around a corner on the other side, walking opposite to me. There was some distance between us, but upon recognizing each other, we waved and she yelled, “You look great!” 

Surprised, I lifted my shoulders a little higher, and yelled back, “Thanks! You made my day. You look great too!” 

We continued walking, but I noticed her head tilt to one side; she seemed to be staring at me. I thought, wow, I’m pretty hot today, I guess? 

Soon we were directly across from each other, and that’s when she said, smiling, “I think you misheard me; I said you look late.” 

We laughed and laughed. For a while, whenever we saw each other, we would greet each other with this inside joke, “You look great!” And chuckle again. 

Remembering this, I wonder...perhaps the secret to happiness is 1) age-related hearing loss; 2) a heaping helping of self-delusion? Or perhaps happiness is the human connection formed when 3) we laugh at our gaffes? AKA being gaffe-able (gaffe + affable). 😜

Things one should never outgrow:

Thanks, M. 

unicornory. 

While waiting for her birthday party guests to arrive, my oldest granddaughter enjoyed some spontaneous dancing in the backyard, adorned with her spanky new unicorn rubber boots. 

Scotland's national animal, the Scots love the unicorn for its untamable independence and for being notoriously difficult to capture or conquer. 

That's reason enough to respect this mythical creature, but inspired by my granddaughter I am also learning "unicornory" which I define as the way a 4-year-old reminds me to pay attention to and enjoy life's simple pleasures: sunshine, warmth, music, laughter, sparkles inside your birthday cake, being together, and being alive for this one unconquerable life. 

Playlist

Is your playlist doing its job?

Playlists are personal. I'm hesitant to even write about mine. People get judgy about song choices. Sigh. I could attempt to explain mine: um, maybe eclectic? Catchy? Genre-bending? Silly? Vapid? Rebellious? Deep? Sad? Yes, all of those. Imagine everything from Joni Mitchell to the Muppets, from Dance to Dolly Parton. Insert shrug emoji here.

My main criteria? An emotional reaction (typically mirth or melancholy).  Bonus criteria? Goosebumps. 

We all know goosebumps: the body releases adrenalin, muscles involuntarily contract and force body hair to stand upright, indentations patterned across the skin. Science says this occurs due to cold, or a reaction to stimuli (fear, attraction, sadness, joy...). Whatever the reason, think about it: our bodies are trying to help us survive. And that's what a playlist can do: enliven us when we're struggling. It's a mental health buoy. 

Science (Daniel J. Levitin) says we humans enjoy a special relationship with music. Unlike other stimuli, it triggers multiple effects in both hemispheres all across our brains including language, emotion, memory, even physiological responses like that overwhelming desire to move “to the beat.” It releases the feel good hormones and affects blood pressure, body temperature, even metabolism. But for what purpose? 

Despite my amateur scientist status, I know the answer; obviously, it's preparing us for that inevitable crucial music-related battle we must all face at some point in our lives: the dance off. Amirite?

I jest, kinda. Music is similar to humour. Music changes channels. Introduce a song to whiny toddlers and suddenly they get their happy on. It's more than humour though. Think about how that song at the funeral pushed open the rusty gate in your heart. 

Alerted by adrenalin, music jolts us from simply existing, shocks us more fully into life, both the joys and the pains. Music speaks truth better than we can: it invokes our deeper feelings, the ones we may not even realize. One amazing song can help us problem-solve, feel less alone; it can provide some new or renewed perspective, it can open a vulnerable conversation, it can heal. Music pushes our buttons and, goosebumped, even our skin can’t hide the transformation.   

What song does the job for you? 

That 10%

My favourite Father's Day cards, lol.

If you're a parent, you've heard this statistic: "90% of the time you will ever spend with your children happens during their first 18 years." I've been in the latter 10% zone for several years now and missing them today, I have thoughts:

It's true. Everyone knows time is a thief and yet we still let it pillage willy-nilly. 

This is a relationship, like all relationships: trust, honesty, respect, boundaries. 

Less saviour, more listener. 

Fact: you're not the same. Live with it and learn from it. 

You will always worry, but don't make this about you.  

This relationship is both timeworn and contemporary. You've both made mistakes. Let shit go and shut up. 

Don't leave the loving things unsaid and let your actions speak too. 

Continue to pay attention, hear, love. 

Be available. Don't hover. Jump at opportunities to make new memories together whether that's as simple as cleaning the garage together or a trip to Mexico (and everything in between). 

Check yourself for updates aka use this extra time to become a better parent/person. 

It does not matter your age; everyone needs someone who believes in them. 

Divorce, eh?

an apt depiction of two wonderful
countries who don't quite match,
 but do fit together source 

Divorce. It's an abstract concept, for me. Sure, family and friends in our circle are divorced but neither my spouse nor I grew up in a home with divorced parents. So when people ask, what does it feel like to be a Canadian right now, I imagine it's like divorce. 

Let's be honest, Canada was never legally married to the USA but we were in a pretty high-functioning common law relationship, a contract that both parties signed. Truth be told, we don't quite match, but we made it work, even enjoyed the relationship. Sure, we are clearly the beta in this couple and at times, you may have taken advantage of that (Canadian energy) but for the most part, we truly loved each other. Maybe we still do? But what's that cliché about relationships? Love is never enough. 

Turns out that's true. Canada never asked for this divorce, but it's happening. And here we are. One toxic partner continually makes demands. So we meet them, or try to, even when we all know some are bullshit (the fentanyl crisis at Canadian border). Our representatives (political leaders) negotiate, bend over backwards, and indeed make some changes. But it's not working....

Why? Despite a desire to remain partners in some form at least, one partner continually employs all the toxic relationship playbook classics: accuses us of cheating, makes unfair demands, belittles our representatives, limits contact, lies, plays the victim, gaslights, makes us feel unsafe, uses social media to demean and threaten us.... 

A relationship can't exist without trust, honesty, and respect, can it? Temporarily, perhaps. But eventually....

We're stronger than we were a few weeks ago. We're changing. We're more united (9/10 Canadians!) We're making new plans. Nevertheless, it's been a sad month. I really do mean that. But to use a clever line from that American culture once so beloved to us, "bye Trump Felicia." 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Let's be honest:

A good friend's husband died earlier this month, an absolute blindside.
Still thinking about these wise words: painful, hopeful, honest.
Also thinking about others I'm missing. No doubt, you too?
For whatever might be ailing you today, I hope these words find you. 

Fullness

P 💞 L 

Weeks ago, I intended to write about our January holiday to Mexico, but life interrupted things. 

Travel makes me grateful and reflective but I need time to process all that discovery and restorative-ness. 

This trip we traveled with our daughter, her husband, his parents and our grandchildren. Imagine. 

There are stories to tell about French fries and puffer fish and a margarita stand, but mostly there was precious time to play with our favourite grandtoddlers, 3 year-old M and 1 year-old L. And although there are many impressive photos of the beach and sunsets and an excursion to a tiny island and a burrito bigger than a birthday cake, I keep returning to pictures of my daughter with her children, and this one with her young son. 

It's impossible to accurately describe the feeling of watching your children be parents to their own children: it's joy, it's pride, it's time-travel, it's nostalgia, it's laughter, it's longing, it's...peace...it's a fullness...(it's fleeting and forever) and I wish it for everyone.