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| Links to 9/31 & the 31 Vibrant Things Launch Post |
My mother died more than a decade ago. I've rarely written about her, but when I do it's a curated approach.
Since today is dedicated to mothers, it occurred to me to write about her, but what vibrant thing, what meaningful object would best represent my mother? What do I even possess that belonged to my mother?
My mother was a mystery to me. I'm not sure if I ever really knew her? Oh sure, I can describe her well, but her identity? She remains elusive.
My aim here is curiosity, not disrespect; I have emptied myself of past bitterness. Many (most?) parent-child relationships are complicated, sometimes forever uneasy. Parents often do not share their inner lives with their children, at least not deliberately. Who am I to judge?
My wife and I were in a greenhouse this weekend and she asked, "what's this beautiful flower?" I explained they were dahlias, known for their vibrant colours, impressive symmetry, and lengthy summer blooming. I added that although they are not perennials (in our climate), the bulbs can be stored inside in the winter, then replanted to regrow each Spring. But then something occurred to me...why did she ask me? How did I know this?
Because my Mom taught me. Her favourite thing was the outdoors: the garden, the trees, the veggies, the flowers, the bees... is this why the trees and grains and flowers fascinate me endlessly? We may have never developed a deeper language between us, but we could speak flowers. That's something.
Flowers and gardening lore are a great connection to have with your mother!
ReplyDeleteI agree.
DeleteShe gave you something you will never forget. How many of us really knew our parents? How many of our children truly know us?
ReplyDeleteYes, I think people can relate.
DeleteInteresting the things we learn from our moms and also interesting when those things surface and we didn't even know they were there until then.
ReplyDeleteI'll call my mom today. She wasn't a great mom, but there were times she tried.
Mine too.
DeleteYour mother did share things with you after all. I'm not familiar with lots of flowers but the app really helps out.
ReplyDeleteYes, it was a helpful to realize this.
DeleteMy mum taught me gardening too. Relationships between parents and children are often so complicated.
ReplyDeleteIndeed they are.
Delete...some mother's can be complex.
ReplyDeleteTruth.
DeleteMy mom and my connection were books. I never had a connection to my Dad more than he was my Dad and nothing I did was good enough. I saw who he was even though he didn't know himself. Rather sad you know? I hope Mrs. DB had a nice mothers day. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Peggy. It's true: some kids see things others don't.
ReplyDeleteDahlias are a favorite of mine!
ReplyDeleteThey're something, aren't they?
DeleteIt's always amazing to me how often something I learned from my mother comes out of my mouth.
ReplyDeleteTheir influence can be immense.
DeleteRelationships between parents and children can be sometimes quite complicated. My mother is still alive and doing well at 91. Growing up, I was much closer to my mother than my father. My father was short tempered and very distant. Though my mother and I have very different political opinions, we are still close and we are alike in a lot of ways.
ReplyDeleteGood relationships are medicine.
DeleteSometimes, we have to search and appreciate the little connections.
ReplyDeleteWise words.
DeleteBeing a mother, I can say it's a job that never ends and you never think you did well enough no matter how you tried and your kids always see your shortcomings and weaknesses and are disappointed by and suffer because of them (possibly because if our mom isnt the epitome of loving kindness at all times, life hurts because our expectations have been dashed?). Still, becoming a mother was the making of me and I feel forever blessed, no matter that my children are ungrateful wretches at times. Hehe.
ReplyDeleteHa. It's complicated isn't it? And yes, I must admit that I've been an ungrateful wretch a time or two.
DeleteThat is definitely something. I sopped up my mother's vocation and avocation and continued both. It took me till my forties to figure out my own.
ReplyDeleteIt can take decades (or more) to figure some things out, can't it?
DeleteThat's definitely something. Tara tries to speak flowers with me and my eyes just glaze over.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you speak doughnuts instead? Because I speak those too.
Delete