Boat Safety Test

Sea-worthy?

My wife is taking an online boating safety course right now. For her father. Yeah. Maybe don't tell anyone that part.

Anyway, some of the questions are a little extreme unless you have a reality show and you wrangle sharks for immunity idols. By contrast, our boating activities this summer include pretty much floating. And we also might do some floating too. Therefore the gale-force wind question seems somewhat irrelevant. So in the spirit of hyperbole, these questions incite in me the creative need to devise the ultimate perfectly ridiculous boat-safety test question possible and then it all became a freak-family brainstorming session. Here our the top three so far:

1. You are in the middle of the ocean and a Yeti speeds by on a sea-doo. Do you
a. return to the dock?
b. alert the coast guard?
c. return to TMZ headquarters with actual news?
d. pull out your bag-pipes and join the parade?

2. Someone has dropped a flaming buoy from a helicopter into your yacht. Do you
a. scream CUT and various obscenities then storm off the movie set (right Christian Bale)?
b. just let Jim Cameron have his way yet again?
c. eat carbs and wait to die?
d. get out the s'more fixins.

3. You are 13 nautical nautbits from the square of the hypotenuse of the shore. Someone in the boat has to go poop. Like right now. Like. IMMEDIATELY. And it's Grandpa. And he has gastrointestinal issues. Serious. Serious. Issues. Do you
a. watch in horror as he yanks down his pants and squats over the side of the boat?
b. avert your eyes.
c. avert your eyes.
d. avert your eyes.