Dear Fellow Shopper,

Evil.

I was attempting not to make eye contact with anyone at the shopping cart corral in the grocery store parking lot today but when you noticed that I seemed unable to even begin to fathom how to use the insert coin and do something with the chain thingamawhatinthehellisgoingon doodad system to obtain a shopping cart, I would have preferred that you offered me some assistance instead of smirking and then rushing back to your car to text your girlfriends that some husband using the grocery store for the first time couldn't get a cart because he's a total knob (and stop judging me okay because I'm not the usual grocery store shopper in my family and I never go to stores with carts manufactured by the devil without my wife so she always does this part and indeed I've never admitted to her that I am incapable of using this insert coin and do something with the chain thingamawhatinthehellisgoingon doodad system) meanwhile I tried to yank that cart off the chain (creating a series of ripple effects and aftershocks heard by shoppers everywhere instinctively reaching down to turn their children's eyes away from the nutbar going ape on the shopping carts) instead of admit I'm a feckless twit to the 14 year old cart boy playing runaway train all over the parking lot so of course I did NOT ask for help even when it wouldn't spit my money back out and thus I finally gave up, stomped into the grocery store and began juggling oranges, apples, a jalapeno pepper, bananas, onions, asparagus, three boxes of greek yogurt, a container of lemon juice, an aero bar and some tic-tacs down aisle after aisle until I finally gave the cashier at that store my money and let's be honest, a good laugh when the staff reviews the video surveillance tapes at a future staff party like we all know they do.

Signed,
The Guy who lost his $1 coin and his Dignity today at the Grocery Store