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| From my links: proof that I have a problem with ice cream. |
I've tried to explain it to her but she thinks my thinking is flawed. Mine.
It's so frustrating. Here's the situation:
- I repeatedly ask her NOT to buy snacks because I will eat them.
- She repeatedly buys snacks thinking I won't eat them and then discovers she no longer has snacks because, you guessed it, I ate them.
- Testy showdowns at the pantry ensue. (See acrimatrimonious.)
Basically for example, she thinks we can have ice cream in the house. Seriously. Ice cream IN THE HOUSE. Like a hot, fat-guy like me needs ice cream?! This irritates me. She KNOWS that ice-cream is basically crack-cocaine to me. Before I go on, I must stress that I have never used crack cocaine. Honestly, I have no idea what crack-cocaine or any other cocaine is but I did watch that interview Diane Sawyer did with Whitney Houston and I have surmised that crack-cocaine is pretty powerful stuff and therefore an appropriate metaphor. As I was saying: my wife is well-aware that ice-cream is my narcotic. YET SHE STILL BUYS IT. AND she gets angry when I eat it all. Then honey, why-for-the-love-of-God did you buy it?
Like I'm the one with a problem.
She also buys RIPPLE CHIPS and CHOCOLATE CHIPS and she expects me not to snarf them down too. She ACTUALLY BELIEVES these snacks will still be there 35 minutes later when she wants to enjoy one of those toothsome goodies. She ACTUALLY BELIEVES this to be true despite nearly twenty years of evidence to the contrary. By clinging to those two conflicting notions my wife clearly has extreme cognitive dissonance. Like a clinical case. Totally. [See O-wise-and-powerful-wikipedia explanation if you care.]
So what's a guy to do if his wife thinks that treats will miraculously remain in the pantry and elsewhere despite the long-term evidence that my teens and I will gorge on them like wolves reared on trans-fat every chance we get?
Wait. I just thought of something: I suppose I could stop eating them.
Nah. That would only aid her
As I said, SHHHHHH. She must never read this.
30 comments:
The best thing to do would be to continue eating them happily and then chanting in an increasingly louder tone,"More, more, more, more..."
WHAAAAAAT? YOU ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM?!? I JUST GOT HERE!
Been there, done that. Will do it again.
lol I've solved this problem. I enjoy snacking on veggies, and my other half does not. HA! All the snacky foods I want all the time!
i suffer from the ice cream eating addiction too. it also carries over into the realm of potato chips & cadbury eggs. if you want the chips or ice cream to be here when you go looking for it - you'd better hide that stuff or it'll be gone.
I am a man and I agree with you. I eat stuff as well. My ex never could understand the concept.
Hahahaha Laoch!
She needs a hidey spot. Like the neighbor's freezer?
@LoC Devious much?
@AC Fly-on-the-wall-exactly.
@DSWS Ditto.
@SunnyDee You lie.
@SherilinR Sister-friend.
@OT "I eat stuff." Awesome.
@Chelle He would eat it too.
I figure if Hubby leaves his bar of chocolate in the fridge for more than one day then it's mine. It's that simple.
You know, if your wife was clever enough to land a hot fat guy, then I'm pretty sure she's probably way ahead of you. Sure, she acts annoyed, but it is merely an act. She's lulled you into a false sense of snackurity. Meanwhile, she's hidden the good stuff. The top shelf chips and the artisan truffles. You'll never find it, bwah ha ha. I know where it is but I'm not telling. Snackidarity. Ah DBS. You bring out the silly in me every time.
You're right! Your wife needs help. Why hasn't she got it after all these years. She needs to be sensitive to your needs. You have a weakness. Of course you do, YOU'RE A MAN !!!!
(Your post made me laugh ....a lot!)
I won't tell, but my mom had the same condition when I was in high school. Whe would buy chips, and cookies, and candy, and think that the seventeen year old wasn't going to eat them. I kept asking, "If you don't want them eaten, why do you buy them?" It took a few years, but she finally got it. I'm not saying to try saying that to your wife, just telling you my story.
I can relate. To HER! I hate when people eat my snacks. My husband will eat three of my 100 calorie snacks. Seriously.
Crap - - I think my wife has this SAME EXACT disorder. Not only does she buy snacks, but she buys GOOD snacks. At least buy the old lady garbage so I have SOME temptation.
Best post I have read all week right here.
Don't leave a block of chocolate or a bag of lollies lying around too long because my sweet tooth will urge me to gorge myself on them until there's nothing left yummmmy. Had to give up ice cream because it's got to much fat for me. :-).
action = re-action
you buy ice-cream = I eat ice cream
...simple
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
ripple chips and onion dip are my weakness. we always say we'll make the full batch so that we can save some for the next night. yeah right. save some. that never happens.
I have to hide the snacks from my husband. He just cannot help himself! I feel terrible hiding them, but it is for his own good!
The Consigliere is onto something. If you're really a hot, fat guy as you claim to be, then it's obvious your wife is a chubby chaser who secretively wants to maintain your Buddha-belly form. Nothing quite like rubbing a Buddha belly. :) But I digress.
oh man--your wife, and my poor, late mother :( House full of snacks, but for GOD'S SAKE don't eat them.
This post is witty-tastic. Love it. And I have a similar concern for my mental health. I buy sugary cereal for my kids and frequently break out a nearly empty box the next morning. We've a nighttime serial, cereal snacker. And it's the hubster. I know, shocking.
Your wife needs a Sharpie marker. When she brings the snacks home, the first thing she should do is write on the box or bag: Do NOT eat. It actually works to some degree -- at least the snacks last more than 30 minutes.
Coming over from Mrs.4444 omg....you crack me up I love this post and so can relate.....I too love IC and snacks and My hubby thinks they should last forever in our house too.....he is ill like your wife!
Coming over via Half Past Kissing Time..
thanks for this post..
too funny..umm except I'm the one with the sweet addiction and i've no one to blame but myself..
arghhh and my daughter had her tonsils out so there was plenty of ice cream, and ice cream sandwiches that..mysteriously went missing..(i ain't saying a thing..lol)
Well, in her defense, I have to tell you that chocolate chips, in and of themselves, are not SNACKS. They become snacks when encased in chocolate chip cookie dough and other delicious treats.
I am SO glad that I am not a big fan of ice cream....Good luck with that!
time to go cold turkey?
an intervention
Love it here! The kind Mrs. 444 led me here from the Sampling. So happy to find and now follow you!
Pleasantries aside, she should buy a small padlockable freezer... it is just wrong for her to expect self control!
Clearly the only solution is to buy twice as much. Snacks for you, snacks still left for her--it's a win-win!
Can so totally relate. Ben & Jerry's Karamel Sutra is my heroin.
As the mom, I buy it for my child, but somehow it goes into my stomach more than his. Curse him!
Oh my god, this is the funniest blog post you've ever written
Those damn wives.
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