Tuesday, October 18, 2011

♀?


Women and their new hairdos—what’s up with that? It’s always a big deal. Even when it doesn’t look like that big of a deal. Sure, a good haircut makes us all feel a little spiffier but can it really be life-changing? It’s just hair. I’m 61% sure that the other day the TV said we all wash our hair too often. Therefore, thanks to the TV, I am now toying with the notion of washing my hair on an as-need basis only. It just makes sense. I’m guessing women aren’t jumping on that bandwagon. This reminds me of pants.

Women and their pants—what’s up with that? Men hate pants. I am 91% sure that men would prefer to go pants-less 24/7. But women like pants. I wash clothes sometimes and I find pants in the basket that are odd. They look like mannequin pants. Yoga pants I think they’re called. But my wife doesn’t do yoga. Well, actually, she has done yoga but I think she’s more interested in yoga pants. This reminds me of DVDs.

Women and their DVDs—what’s up with that? My wife and the other women I know all have exercise DVDs that I’m 73% sure none of them ever use. All the latest exercise crazes. What’s the newest one? Rumba? Zumba? Poomba? By comparison, we guys have very different DVD collections, useful DVDs aka ridiculous, mindless comedies. The sillier the better. Movies that make a guy laugh so hard he chokes on his Pringles. This reminds me of popcorn.

Women and their popcorn—what’s up with that? Popcorn is indeed tasty. But is it a meal? No. I’m 86% sure it’s not. Or at least it shouldn’t be. A meal needs peas and carrots. And fish. Preferably deep-fried. (The fish, not the peas and carrots.) But women just want to eat popcorn for supper while they read a book. This reminds me of cards.

Women and the men they love—what’s up with that? I’m 100% sure that even though it’s difficult for us men to understand womanly ways and those women we love, I’m 94% sure we get the better "deal." (At least 59% of the time.)

22 comments:

Antares Cryptos said...

Did you know that 90% of statistics are completely made up?

What's up with that?

dbs said...

I heard that 48% of that 90% are correct 3 out of 4 times. It's just math. (You're welcome.)

Steve Bailey said...

Some hair needs to be washed daily my sources say....... the short and the curly.

Kerry said...

Well you may be right about a lot of this, but not the thing about popcorn, no. Popcorn is a complete and satisfying meal all by itself, no wait, with butter.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Yoga pants are classy sweat pants for women. Clearer now?

Alittlesprite said...

popcorn covers all the major food groups.
It. Just. Does.

Doug Stephens said...

Deep-fried carrots and peas don't sound too bad, actually.

Zoe said...

80% of that all sounds good. Although I may have to single out the popcorn as it is lost on me (unless it is SOAKED in butter.)

Windsmoke. said...

Its a hormonal thang :-).

Laoch of Chicago said...

It is always best not to ask questions. Instead focusing on obedience is the only way.

Selina Kingston said...

Maths was never my strong point but i think i only agree with 40% of that - hair...of course that's always a big deal and DVDs...I have a Pilates, belly dancing and two unknown celebrity keep-fit DVDs that are still in their wrappers !!

Alistair said...

This reminds me of me 85% of the time.......

Mel said...

I would like to see that statistical analysis of this study so that we can find out where you got 100% of these facts.

Munk said...

I appreciated 87% of the scientific logic-thread presented herein (within a 3% standard deviation).

Charlie Pulsipher said...

My wife found lime popcorn and salt & pepper popcorn. If you mix the two it's fantastic and almost a meal. Though I'd rather have tomato soup and grilled cheese.

Jim said...

I am 100% sure that this post was very funny and well done!

oceangirl said...

50% men say they can't live with women, 50% say they can't live without them.

karensomethingorother said...

If I had my hair cut like a dude's, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be as obsessed with it. As it is...stupid straw hair helmet...

Anyhoo, I feel like an ass every morning when I step out in my yoga pants, but I don't want to sweat up my jeans.

See? Practical.

Nicole said...

Excellent. I'm 100% sure.

Tom G. said...

50% of all blog comments are just pointless attempts to drive traffic to your own blog. What's up with that?

Rubye Jack said...

Now I need some popcorn!

Molly said...

Catching up ... great post! And I was recently re-reading some of my old posts and found your comment on what your wife said when you hit a moose with your car years ago. I did laugh out loud - again!

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