Wednesday, December 1, 2010

One Creepy Red Balloon, Paris & a Noise

Creepy random red balloon.
      My daughter likes scary movies. I do too. So I decided she needed to watch something with just a tad more substance than the pathetic fare I'd noticed her watching: The Wicker Man remake (puh-leese) or The Hills Have Eyes (populated by banished royal family relates). I mean come on, what's next? Chucky?1
     No. I wanted her to actually be scared. (Yeah. Not your normal parent I guess.) Like when those two freaky twin girls show up in the hotel hallway in The Shining or when Jeff Goldbloom begs his girlfriend to help him be human again in the remake of The Fly.
     Anyway, my parental conscience and my excessive overthinking disability pruned it all down to The Sixth Sense. I reasoned she might enjoy it so I gifted it to her and suggested we watch it as a family.
     Six. Months. Ago.
     That kid! There's a saying: "Attention Defici--oh look, a butterfly." Yup. Let's just say she's easily distracted.
     Anyway we finally watched it and we were just at the birthday party scene where the bullies lock Cole in that cupboard at the top of the spiral staircase. (Come on! Did that family live in a Paris hotel or what?) And duh, there's obviously a very disgruntled Parisian in there. Anyway, my little family and I were all snuggled in our family room downstairs under blankets watching intently (kinda)....

My son: (chewing on his blanket to alleviate his burgeoning fear) I hate this movie because it's so real.
My wife: (on a tiny fraction of the couch wedged between the arm and my daughter's feet) Just watch.
My daughter: (clutching her phone like it's a big meat cleaver and texting at the same time): *tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick (ad nauseum)*
Me: (shaking my head at my teen daughter while having a debate in my pea-brain about the symbolism of the red balloon floating, floating, when suddenly...) Press pause.

     There's a noise upstairs.
     Everyone ignores me.
     There. Is. A. Noise. Up. Stairs.
     But. We. Are. All. Downstairs!
     We listen. There it is again! We tiptoe upstairs. We wait at the top of our stairs. Yeah I know: JUST LIKE THE MOVIE!!! But I didn't realize that until later. Instead, these were my thoughts: It sounds like...like...someone sharpening a knife...someone very skilled and confident...sharpening a frickin knife! (Thankfully, my composure somewhat maintained, I did not SCREAM this at my family.) It's coming from the kitchen. And that knife sounds plastic?! We peer around the corner. There it is again...My God. It's coming from the computer!!!
     Yeah. So. I quickly googled "why does my cd/dvd tray keep opening and closing?" and scored 619,000 results. I bet one of those links directly to that damn M. Night Shyamalan. And this is revenge for what I said earlier about his movies.

1To be completely honest, most scary movies whether they are excellent, mediocre, or even a few lame ones (including Chucky) have the same effect on me: they scare me. And another thing: the title of this post is inspired by a fellow blogger who knows way  more about scary movies than I do and whose post titles, quite franky, suggest some sort of personality disorder (in a very good way). Click here. She's hilarious.

13 comments:

Artist and Geek said...

Commenting first is like checking out that mysterious noise: You go. No, you go first. Where's the baseball bat? We don't have one. Oh. Take the cast iron frying pan. And do what? Fryyy-ghten him to death? Not funny.
WHAT WAS THAT?

Good post. Felt the artificially induced anxiety. Try living with soft-footed silent predators, while watching scary movies.

P.S. Thanks for the heads up. All of Shmalayan's movies were brilliant and Oscar-worthy.

Nicole said...

I've had that dvd tray thing happen and, in the most "Don't do that, Dave" way, it scared me senseless.

And that blogger chick you recommend? FAB!

dbs said...

@A&G Never apologize for being the first commenter especially when your comments are so clever.
@Nicole You say damn funny stuff lady. Re: blogger chick recommendation...I agree.

Alittlesprite said...

My drive tray has never been possessed.
I did have a fan once that used to turn itself off.
Scared the Dickens out of me.

Mrs. Tuna said...

I hate, hate, hate scary movies and stuff like that. Don't even get me started on "fun" houses. I once punched a guy who jumped out to scare me and had to be escorted off the property.

Vinny C said...

I'm okay with most scary movies. All the same, I'm not going to investigate any mysterious knife sharpening noise under ANY circumstances. What's most scary is when I watch one with my wife. She expresses her fear through biting, digging her nails into things (eg: my arm) or swinging her arm out in surprise (generally towards my face).

Elly Lou said...

I'm a total wus that refuses to watch horror movies. My husband once said to me, "Let's go see that new Will Smith movie!" I eagerly agreed and waited for the explosions and witty banter to commence. Instead, creepy undead people ate a dog and I didn't sleep for a month. I made sure my husband didn't either. Boo. Hiss.

paulsifer42 said...

I'd never heard of computers doing that.... Weird.

baygirl32 said...

scarey movie = no sleep for me

The Gaelic Wife said...

The scariest movie I ever saw was Silence of the Lambs. Just something about it gave me nightmares.

Missy said...

My 12 year-old has been begging to watch the Chucky movies...

Artist and Geek said...

dbs-thanks, the feeling is mutual.:)

May I highly recommend some funny, not so scary, but good movies?
Shaun of the dead and Zombieland.

dbs said...

@Alittlesprite Be careful around the tray; it's unpredictable.
@Mrs.Tuna He deserved it.
@VinnyC I've been nailed with a nail or two too.
@EllyLou Sadly, I too have noticed Will Smith is no longer the Fresh Prince.
@PaulSifer42 Now you know. Be safe.
@baygirl 32 Speaking of no sleep, read my lastest post.
@TGW One of my scariest experiences too. I hate the scene in the garage.
@Missy No to the O.
@A&G Others have recommended those as well. Perhaps I will start training with something minor (just spooky) and work my way toward your recommendations. Thanks.

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