Friday, October 8, 2010

What does a man want? What does a woman want?

     I was talking with some colleagues this past summer at a conference and during a break, one of the women, divorced and now considering dating again, turned to me, the only guy in our group, and asked this question: what exactly is a man looking for in a woman?
     Yeah. I know. Awkward. How did I end up in that conversation? And why ask me? I’m totally out of that single loop. But I gave it a go, commencing, as usual, with the first pea-brained ideas that entered my head. What do I think men are looking for in a woman?
1.      You should try to smell good.
2.      You should try to look good.
3.      You should try to be good.
     At that moment, this was all I had. But to be honest, I think most guys don’t have a huge list of criteria and I told the woman that. I added that some guys have a very detailed list of criteria for #2 but those guys are usually single and lonely or in high school.
     Anyway, my colleagues discussed this for a while and then one of them asked the woman her criteria for a man. Her reply seemed reasonable to me, basically all the things essential to any relationship: trust, honesty, respect, humour, cake, and to eat the cake too (at least sometimes). It made me wonder, if most people know this stuff, why do so many relationships fail? I guess it’s because what we think and what we say is often quite different than what we do.
     But it’s what another woman in the group said that I remember the most. She explained that she knew her husband met all her criteria because of her Dad. She revealed that as a teen, her Dad took her on “dates” to model for her how a man should treat her. To me, that seems like an excellent way to teach healthy relationships.
     Everyone wants love, everyone is seeking a healthy, fulfilling relationship, right? It’s only natural, but as the saying goes, “Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, and then wonder what to do with it.”


Didactic Pirate said...

I've been cornered by women at work like that before, who ask me what men really want in a woman. I do not like it. But when I tell them "Anti-gravity breasts and the ability to clog dance," they tend to go away and not ask me any more questions.

Missy said...

I have never heard that before, but Love is just like a Booger! LOL

Laoch of Chicago said...

I think women do most of the choosing in the mating dance and much of it in the end based upon bio-chemistry (from a smell sense), thus as a mere man I do not think it matters much what I want.

Just SO said...

I think the reason relationships fail is when selfishness and lack of communication come into play. If each of you are more focused on what makes the other happy than what makes you happy then it works. It's when one or the other starts to think that their needs or wants are more important. And when HEALTHY communication breaks down then you have serious problems.

And I love that booger/love saying!

dbs said...

@Didactic Pirate Clever reply to the ladies. I shall use it too. (I suspect they love your humour though and still won't leave you alone.)

@Missy Yes. The booger analogy just makes sense.

@Lof C So right, so right.

@Just SO Are you a marriage counsellor perchance? You probably should be.

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