Things that deserve the stink-eye:

After several years of marriage things change. Things evolve. Attention shifts. Priorities get, uh, reprioritized. Eventually, some wives simply replace their husbands. Sometimes this happens without much warning. Sometimes the guy doesn’t even know. Sometimes maybe a guy doesn’t even notice because he still lives in the house with his wife.  At least not at first. And then one day he has an inkling...that something is different. And then a month passes and he has another inkling and then he’s sure, something has definitely changed. It happens. And now it’s happened to me. My wife replaced me. And here’s the skinny on my wife’s new husband:

      1.      He’s skinny.

2.      Sleek even.

3.      Attractive.

4.      Intelligent.

5.      Convenient.

6.      Hardly has any needs.

7.      Is easy to manipulate.

8.      He communicates in multiple ways.

9.      Is popular and can do way awesome stuff.

10.  Doesn’t care about the remote control.

11.  Doesn’t eat her food.

12.  He’s touchy-feely.

13.  He’s interactive.

14.  He does whatever she wants.

15.  Encourages her to shop.

16.  Everyone gathers around when he’s in the room.

17.  He’s so fantastic, my wife’s friends are jealous.

18.  Even my friends think he’s several levels cooler than I am.

19.  He goes “ding” just to mock me.

20. And just this morning, my wife looked at me all dreamy and said, "I'm in love with my iPad."