Gas Pains

Getting cheap gas in Edmonton in thirty simple steps:

1. Need gas.
2. Be cheap.
3. Know where the cheapest gas is.
4. Almost see the cheapest gas station in the world is up ahead but hmmm, how to get there?
5. Remark to passengers that once, it was easy to get there, before Edmonton doubled in size (or so it seems).
6. Turn too soon on the wrong street.
7. Wait for a train.
8. Wait for train.
9. Wait.
10. Drive for twelve centimeters then encounter construction delays.
11. Eventually turn north because if I were a crow I’d be there already (it’s the right direction).
12. Know I am correct about this direction because, after all, I am a man.
13. Doubt myself.
14. Encounter more construction.
15. Encounter police lights.
16. Encounter a parade.
17. Double take.
18. Shake head. A PARADE?!!!! Who gets lost and ends up in a parade?!
19. Realize we are the kind of people who get lost and end up in a parade.
20. Wonder why the crap is there a parade on a Saturday afternoon on a street in the industrial section in North Edmonton? Are we being punked?
21. Make like a snail (and remain pretty much motionless for an eternity).
22. Blood begins to stew.
23. Glare at parade as it gets off the road.
24. Realize that in order to get onto the correct side of the highway we will have to travel the opposite direction thus travel 35 kilometers to find opportunity to turn around (pretty much true).
25. Find exit to gas station and wait for light then realize more than 45 minutes have passed since we began this 10 minute adventure.
26. Follow world’s smallest series of signs through what is basically a mini-golf-course-type-route to find the street we need.
27. Cry a little bit.
28. Can’t see it. Still can’t decide which road to take. Begin vibrating.
29. Finally find gas station and of course, there it was all along, on 666 Hell Street.
30. Hang head in realization that our attempt to get cheap gas meant we almost ran out of gas.