Chris Hemsworth aka probably the only guy who should wear a wet-suit. source |
Two summers ago I did the unthinkable: I wore a wet-suit.
There aren’t many regular folk like me who should wear a
wet-suit. If you haven’t experienced this, imagine putting on your wet swimsuit
fresh from the washing machine, plus it shrunk. Better yet, imagine crawling
inside a deflated yellow balloon. Or maybe imagine those toys that you can add
water to and they will expand except it’s the opposite of that and then try to
wear that toy as coveralls. Whoa. Anyway, despite the palpable awkwardness it
was worth it because (strike another one off the bucket list), I went white-water
rafting in the Rocky Mountains!
I even have fond memories. And by fond I mean dread. But
good dread. Let me explain. If you haven’t experienced white-water rafting, I
will start with this: the first hour is completely awful. Except for the sweat streaming
down my back, I wasn’t even wet in that first hour. Heck, I wasn’t even in the
raft yet. During the first hour the instructors provide extensive training. And
by training I mean this:
1. Sign
this in case you die.
2. If...
[insert Scenario A here], you could die.
3. If...
[insert Scenario B here], you could die.
4. If...
[insert Scenario C here], you WILL die.
5. Here’s
your paddle.
This is not an attempt to discourage anyone. That first
hour is obviously the company spiel required for insurance purposes. Sure there’s
legitimate risk but as we all know with insurance nowadays, if there’s a chance
one might sneeze recklessly then there’s some sort of waiver required.
Anyway, here’s the thing. Once all the
death-scenario-izing is over and one’s inner monologue ceases chanting
I-am-going-to-die-I-am-going-to-die, once the first set of rapids has been
successfully navigated, once one realizes that this rollercoaster on rocks is actually
somewhat manageable, something exhilarating happens, something in amongst those
sheer blocks of granite along the river that look like they were casually
tossed aside by Thor, something underneath those skyscraper cliffs six stories
in the air, something in amongst the trees and caves and wildlife many humans
never see, something awesome happens: inspiration. It’s like you have
superpowers, like you can do anything, ANYTHING. Even wear a wet-suit in
public. (But thankfully there are no pictures.)
"Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use." ~Charles Schulz
13 comments:
Which scenario nearly killed you?
Details!!!
:) that talk before the rafting is FAR worse than the actually rafting. It (the talk) had me in tears of fear, literally . . . . and I wasn't the only one crying!
Enjoy your blog! I've been "stalking" it for a while now!
You're a braver man than I, Gunga Din. Both in regard to the wetsuit AND the whitewater rafting.
I don't know if I can ever do something like that. I mean, sure, I like a little risk & little adventure, but a wet-suit?! I'll need to seriously weigh my options.
I love Charles Shulz.
Anyhoo, I blanched at the idea of me in a wetsuit. Very witty post by the way. Love those DISCLAIMERS.
Having experienced the joy of wearing wetsuits, I can only say that I sympathize with you.
White water rafting is a whole different can o' pain.
We white-water rafted in Alberta a while back and I don't remember any 'signing my life away'. The ride wasw awesome and we got soaked....no wet suit!!! lol
1. I was wishing for pictures.
2. I think you're crazy. The mere word "rapids" makes my stomach lurch.
Does one wear swimsuit under a wetsuit?
Nice, next for you are the blood sports!
@Michael Nope.
@Laoch Exactly! (but no wet-suit required right?)
Regarding warning clauses, I was just looking up warning signals in my washing machine manual:
Warning! You can be killed or seriously injured if you don't follow instructions.
and then it one-ups itself, and gives
DANGER! You can be killed or seriously injured if you don't IMMEDIATELY follow instructions.
It's like the DANGER! signal is saying "If you try to go make a sandwich right now, you're definitely gonna die." And it kind of sounds like an angry parent. "I said right NOW!"
I'd much rather have these warnings involved with something that's actually awesome and fun, like rafting.
Great description of wearing wet suit. I wore one. Once. However, the activities that go along with them are the best!
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