Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Wordfuse (Workplace Edition)

One seriously
old-ass photocopier.
Mayhemployee (noun): mayhem + employee = that blundering coworker we all know who commits any or all of the following on a fairly regular basis:
  • seems to have left a fork sticking out of the staffroom toaster
  • helps clean the workroom by throwing away all the recycling
  • wears something, uh, remarkably eye-catching and causes casual Friday controversy
  • accidentally shreds an important document but redeems self by taping it all back together but cannot find one important piece thus rendering the entire document (and attempt) void
  • uses the bathroom during a fire drill and argues it was multi-tasking
  • has not washed his or her coffee cup since before Jesus
  • jabbers on incessantly during staff meetings or has extended pauses while sharing irrelevant anecdotes ad nauseum
  • eats coworkers' food (or leaves the bathroom uninhabitable)
  • drops a monitor in a crowded hallway (Oh yeah, that was me. *sheepish face*)
  • mangles the photocopier so irreparably an emergency service call is necessary and people have to be rerouted to the old photocopier which smells like Chernobyl (Oh yeah, that was me too. *darting eyes*)


Artist and Geek said...

I did not hit the wrong button and I did not test centrifugal forces by spinning things out of a centrifuge, nor do I occasionally doze off at Monday meetings. I was deeply pondering many things, (like how we could make these meetings more productive by actually sleeping).

I was not doodling, but using cryptography, just in case.

Does the guy, who keeps "borrowing" my pens, qualify as a mayhemployee? I'm very possessive about my pens. Just wondering.

DB Stewart said...

@A&G Whoa. I'm really hoping you're not a embryologist. (I have no idea what I'm saying.) And yes, I believe the guy who steals your pens is a mayhemployee (and probably a dickhead.)

Missy said...

You should really publish a book!

prairiegirl said...

Oh man, I haven't seen a photocopier like that in ages!!! Funnily enough, and we were talking about this very machine today at work. :)

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Oh yeah, and how about: causes a massive paper jam in the photocopier and then sneaks away, leaving it for someone else to discover and deal with.

And I'm old/ancient enough to know that the photo is not of a photocopier but of a "ditto machine" that runs several copies off an inked master. Ditto machines were rendered obsolete by photocopiers, thank God.

DB Stewart said...

@Missy Know any literary agents?
@prairiegirl I hope not because you someone still tries to use it?
@DSWS Yes. I work with paper-jammers too. And whatever that machine is, I bet it still smells like Chernobyl.

Cheeseboy said...

Ha ha ha! Before Jesus. Funny. But back then I think they used wooden cylinders.

Artist and Geek said...

The guy who stole my WHAT? Oh. Please refrain from putting embryologist, pens and dickhead in the same paragraph.

Missy-I agree.
Working title: "World domination through wordfuses, spontaneous laughter and viral clapping." *Clap*

Unknown said...

"has extended pauses while sharing irrelevant anecdotes ad nauseum." I hate this more than almost anything. NO meeting, or class for that matter, can be ruined faster than by one of these. And as part of my faith, I go to a class about our church, and the nauseum is magnified in the Jesus situation.

DB Stewart said...

@A&G Ha! *Clap*

Vinny C said...

I can also add: causes already long & boring meeting to go an additional 20 minutes in order to debate - with manager - whether document referred to is actually an "invoice" or a "bill".

baygirl32 said...

I know this person! VERY well

Kev D. said...

WALKS really fast everywhere, in an attempt to look busy. Sometimes runs into people.


Nicole Leigh Shaw said...

Suddenly I'm less nostalgic for the workplace. Throwing away the recycling is my fave. And I wish I could have been there to see that monitor meet linoleum.

I was the only employee to dress up for Halloween one year. Yeah, that was not fun.

Artist and Geek said...

Mayhemployee-the guy who steals pens and shows up at work with the Dragon flu.

CDScott said...

I'm new here. Found you via Saturday Sampling. Great stuff...I think I'll come back again.

Marla said...

Bathroom multi-taskers. Yep, I know them well.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...