Monday, July 30, 2012

How to Sleep in a Heatwave?

Sucks more than blows.
1. Hate yourself a little. #firstworldproblems
2. Push perspective away. #beababy #whineface
3. Hate yourself for being too cheap to install air conditioning.
4. Open windows. #nopoint
5. Turn standing fan on blast.
6. Ponder crawling inside of it.
7. Turn ceiling fan on blast. #ignoreweirdnoises #beenonblastfor30days
8. Note that the bed may take flight in windstorm at any moment. #butitstillisntenough
9. Grumble.
10. Flip pillows to cool side. Lie down.
11. Sheet on.
12. Sweat.
13. Sheet off.
14. Sweat.
15. Stare at clock.
16. Grumble. #swearifyouareafarmer
17. Leg in.
18. Sweat.
19. Leg out.
20. Sweat.
21. Grumble. #swearmoreifyouareafarmer
22. Sweat. Wonder if cheese is growing in neck folds.
23. Grumble. #swearlikeneverbeforeifyouareafarmer
24. Sweat.
25. Go stand in front of open fridge. Consider dragging mattress onto front lawn. #noonewantstoseethat
26. Sheet on. Sweat. Sheet off. Sweat. Leg in. Sweat. Leg out. Sweat. Repeat #bleeeeeeeeep
27. Hate yourself a little since, let's be honest, you asked for this. #kinda #notifyouareafarmer
28. Repeat reality check because in six months: 40below-40below-40below. #thenewcountingsheep
29. Dream of snow.
30. Repeat each night. #cryifyouareafarmer #andrightlyso

8 comments:

Vinny C said...

GASP!!! Do you have surveillance installed in my apartment?! It's been like that for days here. Even worse, the heat KILLED our standing fan. I'm not kidding!

This is just one more reason for me to find a job as quickly as possible. They supply air conditioning.

wendy said...

ha ha....It is hot, but I ain't complaining, because I HATE HATE the 40 below stuff.
I'll "sweat it out" anyday,

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Good Gawd, man, don't you have a basement? Go downstairs where it's cooler. That's what we do when it gets unbearable upstairs.

Adam said...

I'm so glad I have a huge AC unit that cools the whole house. Otherwise it would be too hot for even pajamas. And that would make the house wierd

dbs said...

@VinnyC The heat's killing all our fans too.
@Wendy Like your attitude.
@DSWS The basement is already occupied. Bummer.
@Adam I hear ya.

CLR said...

Naked. Fan. Open windows. Endofstory.

Nubian said...

We have a ceiling fan and a stand up fan. I blame it on the change (as well as the heat)

Michael said...

I love it hot. Sleep like a narcoleptic sloth.

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