Friday, December 2, 2011

Crappy Shi(r)t

It's bought this beauty of a T-shirt
at the Antigonish  Highland
games in Nova Scotia and
I will never throw it out!
*Cue Braveheart music.*
Okay ladies, let’s just end this now: guys have a right to their crappy shirts. This is just part of being a guy. It probably begins as soon as we can sit up and drool like a pro. Just like babies, who says we have to move beyond shirts that we can wear all day and sleep in too (and then wear again)? Huh? Who says?!

When I was in my teens I woke one morning and my Mom was spot-washing the floor with my favourite sweat shirt. Sure it had a hole in the front. Sure the cuffs were torn. Sure it said “John Deere.” Sure it was stained. Sure it had been washed so many times it was an indeterminate colour.

Here’s the thing though: these are the very characteristics that made it perfect. And another thing: it’s hard to find a super cool comfortable shirt. So when we guys find one, why wouldn’t we keep it for nineteen years?

Recently, a woman told me about another woman (ya right) who hid her husband’s favourite shirt in the trash because he would not agree to chuck it. So she chucked it. I repeat: she chucked it without his permission. This is also known as breaking one’s marriage vows.

Anyway, unfortunately for her, garbage collection was not for two more days. Oh she claimed she had no idea where his beloved shirt went but his suspicion grew and after searching high, searching medium, and searching low, he finally checked the trash and there it was. And then he smiled. Why? It now had yet another stain. Thus it would irritate her even more.

Now guys, I’m not suggesting that we should treat our wives disrespectfully. Consider this. Once, for my wife’s birthday, I gave her a very special present. I gift-wrapped one of my shirts (the very one she most loathed) along with a pair of scissors. She immediately knew what to do. This proves we men can indeed be
a. understanding 
b. compromising 
c. civilized and 
d. adorable. 

I granted this wish. Once. See? Very reasonable. But that’s over and thus I am allowed to wear any hole-in-the-armpit-stretched-and-crumpled-like-a-calf-suckled-on-it-shirt I want. For the rest of my life. And I don’t have to wear pants either if I don’t want to. (Just sayin.)

So ladies, go ahead and buy your men spanky new replacement shirts. Dare ya. (And good luck with that.)


Doug Stephens said...

I agree with every word of this.

But what if the wife has a shirt like this she wears doing housework or on lazy Sunday afternoons? Am I justified in destroying it in the BBQ pit?

Alistair said...

I can guarantee my wife would never do that to me.

I only have one shirt.

Pickleope said...

I have the same love affair with a good pair of underwear. I bought some that were soooo good and comfortable. A week later I went back to purchase another 3-pack when, to my horror they were out! And then they changed how those underwear were made. I feel like crotch-comfort is now an unattainable goal.
Shirts are cool too.

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

I get a lot of mileage out of my clothes as well, I'll usually wear them until they literally fall off.

karensomethingorother said...

I would never say a thing to my man. After all, I went to bed last night wearing a shirt I've had since grade 9.

Windsmoke. said...

I agree with Sub-Radar-Mikes comment :-).

j. littlejohn said...

i love that you used an old shirt so long letting your wife destroy actually became a present. that's genius

wendy said...

ha ha...that's great. and SO true.
I don't mind the sloppy long as he doesn't want to wear it OUTSIDE our compound( haha, yeah I said compound)
My husband is like that with some of his hats.........serio

Al Penwasser said...

Aye, yew kin throw away yer shirt.
And yew won't stink.
But, yew'll never have yer FREEDOM!
To...uh...wear stinky shirts.

Tim Riley said...

You've written a treatise for men here dbs-well done!

Rubye Jack said...

Sorry your mom messed up your John Deere shirt. Really.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

My Rare One calls her crappy old t-shirts and sweatpants "yard clothes" and insists she needs them for mowing the lawn. So "yard clothes" is the new euphemism for "rags."

Ryan said...

I have a drawer full of football (soccer...hate that word) shirts that range from nearly new to 20 years old. They are mine, they are comfy, they are just too cool for words and if I ever catch my wife trying to Ebay them again I'm calling my lawyer.

Chelle said...

We have to cull the tshirts sometimes.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...