Monday, November 22, 2010

New Pillows

     My wife bought new pillows. They are HUGE. At first, typically, I assumed their sheer size would so distort my spine that in the morning I would wake to discover my junk directly under my chin. Sorry. Don't visualize that.
     Anyway, she's quite familiar with my overthinking-the-most-pointless-issues disability so she suggested that I just try them out for a few minutes. I shook my big old curmudgeon head  thinking, why does my wife do this? Look at these things: they're like princess and the frickin pea pillows... How much did these COST?!  I've explained before that I don't need new pillows because they're a luxury and how can I continue being a martyr if...? Does she have some sort of pillow obsession? Fluffy indulgences....
     And then I woke up 39 minutes later.
     I likey those new pillows. (Sigh.)
     Here's my point. Never, ever, would it have occurred to me to buy new pillows. After experiencing those new pillows, the same ones I initially deemed frivolous, I can't believe the condition of my old pillows. How did I sleep on those stale frozen pizza bread dough disks for so long?! I could snowshoe on those pieces of crap! I can't imagine what sort of a petri dish smorgasbord my old pillows probably are! I can't....
     I can't finish this. I want to say something about how perplexingly wonderful women are but my pillows are waiting for me. They're whispering. Ni'night.

25 comments:

Artist and Geek said...

Due to lack of advance public disclaimer I visualized. Thankfully pillow yoga was a funny image.

Pillows and wives. Aren't they wonderful indeed?

Didactic Pirate said...

Have you admitted to her that she was right about the pillows? You have? Dammit, man!

(In our house, it's not the size of the pillows my selects -- it's the quantity. Our bed has, like 80 pillows arranged on it, all different sizes and shapes. The same goes for our couch. )

Vinny C said...

Your's got to you with the pillows too, huh? Okay, man, listen to me! LISTEN TO ME! NO.PINK.FLORAL.BED.SETS. If you let that happen then it's over, man.

Dude?

Duuudddeeee!!!!!

paulsifer42 said...

dbs, I think Vinny C, you, and I have similar wives... We've got to find a way to hold on to whatever power we have left in these relationships. Nevermind, they'd never give us permission...

Laoch of Chicago said...

I have pillow envy!

Alittlesprite said...

yer, there was NO warning at the beginning of this blog.
Thanks.
You have NO idea how obsessed women are with pillows. I have three, and one of them is a triangle one. Before I HAD to share the bed with hubby I had five, and yes I used them all.
Which reminds me, our pillows are starting to look a little on the shabby side....

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Little in life compares to the luxuriousness of new pillows. It's a secret all women know.

baygirl32 said...

I visualized! Now how do I get that out of my head? LOL

wendy said...

I love me a good pillow. I have to buy a new one every year....that whole Oprah show on bugs in your pillows.
icko
Never, ever, my dear.....underestimate your wife.

Thank you so much for your kind words regarding the loss of my son. I want you to know how much a appreciated that. It has been hard...well, awful actually, but we will carry on.

I need a good pillow to cry on

dbs said...

@A&G Yes. I should have placed the warning at the beginning. And yes, you're right.
@Didactic Yup. Guilty.
@VinnyC My fellow dude. Don't worry. Thankfully, there's very little floral crap in our entire house. (But if she wanted it I bet it would be here anyway.)
@LoC Lol.
@Alittlesprite Sorry. Pillow Hoarder!
@DSWS Women. And their secrets. Gotta love them anyway.
@baygirl 32 Sorry.
@Wendy Thank you for the advice. I will remember that. And here's one great thing: there's this whole network of bloggers in the world rooting for you and your family to heal, to cope, to carry on. Don't forget that.

dbs said...

@paulsifer42 Yes man, yes we do. (Don't tell my wife I said this.)

Mrs4444 said...

I really love this sweet post. Believe it or not, pillow shopping is on my list of to-do's tonight (on-line, of course!)

Sandra said...

I'm sorry, I know you said not to visualize your junk under your chin, but I IMMEDIATELY went there!

Alittlesprite said...

Wendy. I don't know you but I am so very sorry for your loss. Can you pass it on please dbs?

Elly Lou said...

I can't believe your wife is ok with you talking about the size of her pillows online.

Annah said...

I don't like big fat pillows. I like skinny ones.

Chelle said...

I have fancy memory foam space pillows.

I never thought I'd say that on the internet.

dbs said...

@Sandra Eep. I apologize.
@Alittlesprite Nice gesture. Visit her site. I'm sure you will enjoy her charm. And she needs lots of support right now.
@Annah Woman's perogative.
@Chelle I love everything you say on the internet (and elsewhere too).

Shana said...

When my boyfriend moved in with me, I told him he couldn't bring his pillows with him!!! He had the same ones, never washed, for FIFTEEN YEARS !!!!!!!!

dbs said...

@Shana Wow. Uh oh...I just realized I probably had the same pillows from the time I left home until I got married, about 8 years. I guess your boyfriend "wins."

Hilary said...

Nothing is better than a good pillow... It makes all the difference in the world - spoken like a true girl, huh?

dbs said...

@Hilary Thanks for visiting and my answer to your question: yup.

vickilikesfrogs said...

Ahhh...new pillows! Now I know what I wanna spend my holiday bonus on! (and I, too, visualized. it was hot, kinda)

dbs said...

@vickilikesfrogs Just kinda?!

Fran said...

Ah! I see why you directed me to this post! Very funny, especially your description of your previous pillows. It sounds horribly familiar .... perhaps my cheesy cat cushion might come in use after all.

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