Monday, November 1, 2010


     Some people have excuses for everything.
     I wish.
     I only have a few excuses, usually used because they seem more polite than saying no to various requests. Occasionally, I might say, “I have to check with my wife.” Often this is a lie. My wife isn’t the check-with-her-first type. As well, I probably say, “I can’t because my kids need me” when in fact, they scarcely know I’m alive lately.
     I also employ the “man excuse.” In other words, “I can’t do that because I’m a guy.” This applies to a variety of situations such as clothes shopping, dressing myself with panache (not going to happen) or recognizing a dirty bathroom.
     But the excuses I really long for are those solid explanations for my own pitiful behaviors, explanations that people would accept without question. I want a pat and logical excuse for laziness and irrational anger! I want my faults overlooked! I want people to take me seriously if I say something like Homer Simpson, “Well excuse me for having huge flaws that I don’t work on!”
     It’s not going to happen though is it? Despite all this whining I know I’m too old for this shit. Adult tantrums are inexcusable. I know, I know. Grow up. Three words right? “Suck it up.”
     Still though, wouldn’t it be cool to be pardoned like a huffy child? I want someone to declare, “Forgive him; he just needs a nap!”
     And I do. Don’t we all sometimes?


Just SO said...

We women can play the PMS card. But I still think we get the short end of the stick most of the time.

And I think you should try that excuse one of these days. "Pardon me. It's past my nap time. I hope you'll forgive me for being so grouchy." I would love to see the look on someones face if you said that.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Low blood sugar is a good one -- makes people grumpy and irritable. And the best cure for low blood sugar is a donut, STAT! So either way, this is Homer approved.

Didactic Pirate said...

"Honey, I would help you with that, but I'm late to go fight crime."

"I wish I could go, but it's this damn gangrene."

'Sweetheart, you probably don't want me up on a ladder right now. I've been drinking A LOT."

"I'll get to it as soon as this debilitating crotch itch allows me to stand up."

Just a few to use. My gift to you. You're welcome.

Alittlesprite said...

I don't need an excuse with my husband. I just show him my boobs. Works every time. The poor dear. *smiles evily*

Vinny C said...

I've used the “I have to check with my wife.” one more than a few times, myself. Also, a missed nap time isn't taken seriously enough in my book.

Laoch of Chicago said...

I love the "I am a man" excuse!

Mrs. Tuna said...

But your big boy pants on, you'll be fine.

dbs said...

@Just SO You're probably right.
@DSWS Homer does approve!
@Didactic Pirate I'm totally using the gangrene excuse!
@Alittlesprite Yup. That would work. Every. Time.
@Vinny C Exactly. Naptime should be a law.
@LoC It works for me with the bathroom.
@Mrs. Tuna My wife thanks you for that comment.

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