Some people have excuses for everything.
I only have a few excuses, usually used because they seem more polite than saying no to various requests. Occasionally, I might say, “I have to check with my wife.” Often this is a lie. My wife isn’t the check-with-her-first type. As well, I probably say, “I can’t because my kids need me” when in fact, they scarcely know I’m alive lately.
I also employ the “man excuse.” In other words, “I can’t do that because I’m a guy.” This applies to a variety of situations such as clothes shopping, dressing myself with panache (not going to happen) or recognizing a dirty bathroom.
But the excuses I really long for are those solid explanations for my own pitiful behaviors, explanations that people would accept without question. I want a pat and logical excuse for laziness and irrational anger! I want my faults overlooked! I want people to take me seriously if I say something like Homer Simpson, “Well excuse me for having huge flaws that I don’t work on!”
It’s not going to happen though is it? Despite all this whining I know I’m too old for this shit. Adult tantrums are inexcusable. I know, I know. Grow up. Three words right? “Suck it up.”
Still though, wouldn’t it be cool to be pardoned like a huffy child? I want someone to declare, “Forgive him; he just needs a nap!”
And I do. Don’t we all sometimes?