That, dear friends, is the power of reading and why I love it.
Sometimes what I've read is profound, and other times, not...BUT even when it's not a revelation, it can be a novel distraction prompting my (pea)brain to say, go there and poke around. Hence the rest of this (crafted before this introduction) is (mostly) stream of consciousness. Let's go:
I saw the following comment on another writer's blog post, one in which she had added a selfie: "you have kind eyes" (I agree) and the invitation to reply, aka start a conversation. It made me think. And think. And think. The comment is not so unusual, but in this instance? It hit different. It registered.
My reply:
- Is there a better compliment? Not today—at least I can't think of one—what a fine compliment!
- Do I have kind eyes? Hmm, I don't recall anyone ever using that adjective to describe my eyes.
- What have people said about my eyes? When I was in Junior High the girl who sat in front of me on the bus said, "your eyes are steel gray-blue." My heart thudded.
- Don't most people have kind eyes? Yes, kinda. In various interactions such as when the baker hands me the cake I ordered (typically transactional)...those are kind eyes, but bona fide kind eyes? There's something else there, something subtle, something beckoning, something calm yet charged. What is it?
- What other words describe eyes I've encountered? Playful. Mischievous. Winsome. Sparkly. Attractive. Squishy. Sharp. Dismissive. Guarded. Pleading. Cold. Drunk. (Just first thoughts...all creatives should avoid judging the brainstorming process, so I am trying not to overthink these word-choices.)
- Whose eyes do I deem kind? My grandmother had kind eyes. But it wasn't just her eyes...it was her voice too, her proximity.
- Do most people actually (searching for the right word here...searching...) ratify compliments, or do they (like me) dismiss them? I wonder.
- They seem to have big egos, so do narcissists actually need compliments? First thought: Trump. Insert barf emoji here.
- Are kind eyes impossible to fake, like could someone wholly unkind have kind eyes? Yes, I think it's possible...looking at you Netflix, and your ongoing (problematic but compelling) obsession with tweaking serial killer narratives with redemptional arcs to sustain us all while we navigate this age of (legit) horror, if that makes any sense at all? Anybody?
- What's the best compliment I've ever received? *scanning... deflecting... scanning... dismissing... second-guessing... scanning....*
Dear friends, feel free to respond to any of these questions. I'm curious about how your answers may grab my lapels.
Codex: 9 makes perfect sense. The kindness is not in the eyes, but in the little expressions around them. Kindness is the person.
ReplyDelete8 all psychopaths are narcissistic. Not all narcissists are psychopaths.
1 there is a better compliment you're a kind person. An achievement to maintain because it's easier to be mean and indifferent than kind
Given that I'm recovering from cataracts surgery right now, this post about eyes hit close to home, hahahaha! My father loved old timey prairie expressions, usually sort of earthy yet poetic in their own way, and one of his favourites was about eyes "looking like two piss holes in the snow." Not a compliment, obviously, but always good for a laugh!
ReplyDeleteCodex: ps don't want to grab you by the labels but rest my hand on your shoulder (too tacky?)
ReplyDeleteWell thank you, and now I'm squirming.
ReplyDeleteI had a patient once tell me I had the face of a nun. He was about my age, a gay man who had been sober for 25 years and I was trying to convince him to remove his nipple ring for the CT scan. The docs were looking for lung cancer and the ring would ruin the images. We talked, I listened. The nipple ring celebrated his 25 years of sobriety, and had been in that long. He finally agreed but was worried it might not come out easily, and as he said that last sentence, I undid it and removed the ring without a problem. We were both surprised. I don't know what the results were of his scan, but I still think of him. He was a sweet man.
I spent most of my life being told I was a difficult bitch and believing it. It's only been in the last fifteen years that I have come to accept that I might be a good person, who is difficult at times.
Looking at your photo in your profile, you have kind eyes as well.
Your deep ruminations demand more of me than a hit and run today, but that is what I am doing as I must get ready for a drive in the pouring rain. I will say that I am always impressed by your deep thoughts. I don't know if that is exactly what I mean to say, but that is what I am going with for now.
ReplyDeleteYou have more than kind eyes. You have a kind face.
ReplyDelete