Sunday, September 19, 2021

I wish I had a flame-thrower.

source
Since March 2020, living in Alberta and surviving a pandemic has been, um, interesting. Of course the entire world has experienced ups and downs but our struggles have been compounded by our particular government, loathe to admit their number one job during a crisis: public service. No matter where you live, maybe you can relate? 

I need to vent. 

First Wave

  1. Fear
  2. Toilet Paper
  3. Social Distancing
  4. Our government: let's fire people.
  5. Anxiety and confusion.
  6. We told our daughter not to visit us. *heart breaks* 
  7. Visit relatives through windows.
  8. Celebrate health care heroes.
  9. Masks everywhere except on Facebook.
  10. Hunkering down & resilience.
Second Wave
  1. Government: let's keep everyone in suspense.
  2. Government: mixed messages are still messages, right? (Some MLAs resist restrictions).
  3. Government: we would prefer if more of you died. 
  4. Perseverance
  5. Tick, tick, tick...
  6. EVERYONE STAY HOME AGAIN.
  7. CANCEL ALL PLANS (except politicians who have to go to Hawaii, and such). 
  8. World Ending (January 6, 2021)
  9. Eat everything.
  10. Hunkering down & resilience.
  11. Celebrating health care heroes.
  12. Some churches can't remember the golden rule.
  13. Government: get vaccinated now.
  14. Government: let me be clear; Alberta will never have vaccine passports.
  15. 30% of Albertans begin doing "research."
  16. 70% of Albertans get vaccinated 12 minutes after they're eligible.
  17. Our premier takes a camera crew with him to go hug his mother. 
  18. Government: get vaccinated now but we can't tell you if we are vaccinated or not.

Third Wave:
  1. In their "spare time," doctors pick up extra jobs being activists (to fill the void in government leadership).
  2. Fatigue.
  3. Hanging on.
  4. EVERYONE STAY HOME FOR TWO WEEKS. 
  5. Infections and hospitalizations dramatically decrease.
  6. Government: But, rodeos!
  7. Government: "Open for summer; open for good" & "BEST SUMMER EVER." lol, facepalm
  8. Government: here's some money to get vaccinated (suck that, vaccine passports). 
  9. Welcome relief (temporary). 
  10. As summer continues, the predominant facial expression is side-eye.
Fourth Wave:
  1. Government: our non-plans for rising case numbers are data-based; also, let's make sure kids aren't protected this Fall.
  2. Where's the data?
  3. Government: [away-from-office auto-reply]
  4. Um, hello?
  5. Hello?
  6. SCREAMING INTO THE VOID.
  7. Doctors organize daily demonstrations begging for basic restrictions for children & other vulnerable people.
  8. Government: here's a video and see, it's not pre-recorded like the Christmas vacations ones were. 
  9. Covidiots complete their covid-19 Facebook degrees.
  10. Covidiots begin protesting at hospitals.
  11. Government: we're fiscally responsible but here's more money for anti-vaxxers (suck it, people who already got vaccinated).
  12. Government: we still can't declare our own vaccinations statuses.
  13. Reporter: "But health minister, people are dying!" 
  14. Government: "That's good feedback for us."
  15. WTF?
  16. Rage flame-throwing (aka writing yet another MLA letter).
  17. Government: here's a vaccine passport but we named it something else stupid and confusing. 
  18. Next? Perhaps the military will be deployed to help save us from our government & covidiots? 
  19. Rage wood-chipping.  
  20. Hunkering down & resilience. 


2 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Hahahahahahaha, so well and accurately written! It's all flashing in front of my eyes again!

jenny_o said...

The situation is not hilarious at all but your rendering of it is - thanks for the (wry) smiles. My favourite was the all caps parts plus the "But, rodeos!" That's about the point in time where I started paying real close attention to Alberta's decisions. Before that, all I knew was that one of my closest cousins in AB called the pandemic a scamdemic and I stopped returning his calls/emails. I just couldn't deal with one more of his rants about how great the Conservative government is/was/would be.

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