Dear Parents caring for other people’s adult children:
As you know, many parents have young adults who return home for summer. And yet, we rarely see them. Instead (whether you like it or not) you do.
Firstly, thank you. For feeding them. For cleaning up after them. For loaning them a couch. Speaking of surrogate-type parenting, thanks also to their employers. University/College is expensive and we are grateful they have these jobs. Plus we suspect that you employers are also good guides and mentors. However, unlike you, we cannot pay them to hang out with us (or at least we’d prefer not to). Thus we are stuck with those rare sightings when they randomly return to shower, or drop off their laundry, recharge something, and then there was that one time when we made bacon and they suddenly appeared.
Sigh. Related to this, my wife and I request a small favour and we thank you in advance. Since you are more likely to encounter our kids, please share any or all of the following questions/reminders whenever you deem it appropriate:
1. Hey you. I heard you have parents.
2. And I know for a fact they have Wi-Fi.
3. Your parents want to know: what are your thoughts on
a. Current events?
b. That latest movies?
c. Pluto’s adorable heart?
d. Cheese? (All of the above, pretty much anything, they’re open.)
4. If they cooked more bacon, would you go home?
5. Would blackmail work? Because let’s be honest, they know A LOT about your past.
6. Is another tattoo/piercing really necessary? (Throwing this in there, just in case.)
7. I’m pretty sure tomorrow is Fathers/Mothers/Parents/Hug-Someone-Who-Shares-Your-DNA/Family Guilt Day.
8. If a parent texts you in the forest, does it make a sound argument not to text back?
9. Here’s a picture of your Mother weeping.
10. Get out.