Thursday, February 10, 2011

Things that deserve the stink eye:

Okay. First an apology: if you work in a fast-food drive-thru, I'm sorry. Well kinda. 

Yeah, I know, I know. You deal with low-blood sugar vipers all day. Your wage is unfair. So I need to be calm. I need to be patient. And no, I don’t want to be the voice-recorded quality control bad example used to train your security staff. My intention is not to add to your burden BUT I STILL NEED TO RANT!

Sure. The whole concept of a drive-thru is commendable: convenience, efficiency, speed. However, I tend to experience this: confusion, delay and RAGE.

Have you ever seen the closing credits of the Flintstones? Fred gets his brontosaurus ribs at the drive-thru in less than a second and sure they're so big his car tips over but a split second later the happy family is home and that was in like, 200 B.C! AND THEY ALL HAD A GAY OLD TIME! Yet consistently, my drive thru-experiences are not so uh, happy and the problems begin the moment I attempt to communicate with that cheap Scifi-inspired movie prop aka the place-your-order-here-doodad. 

  1. I CANNOT understand what you are saying. You sound like Darth Vader on an old record played backwards filtered through a tin can attached to a string while a screaming cat plays the accordion. All I hear is “fries” and Charlie Brown's parents. So to compensate I repeat myself veeeerrrry sloooooowly and very LOUDLY. Yes I know this makes me sound like I am vaguely foreign and quite likely a few Timbits short of a snack pack. Oh and 90 too.
  2. Stop asking RIDICULOUS questions. "Do you want the meal deal? Do you want to super-size that?" No. Have you seen Supersize Me? 
  3. After my wife or one of my kids interprets and eventually helps me place the order, I am informed (at least this is what I think I hear): “I am sorry; we are temporarily out of whatever the idiot who can’t understand what I’m saying wants to eat.”  *Barely muffled mocking teen-laughter ensues, mostly from my own teens in the backseat who no doubt will someday use this anecdote as the punch line for a gathering where they and their friends discuss various ways "old people act like old people."*

And what good would it do to talk to the manager? HE'S 12!

20 comments:

Chelle said...

I was glad when you realized half way through that this sounds like the rantings of a 90 year old. I was all ready to make my comment about that. I am allowed to, though- I do jigsaw puzzles in my spare time and worry about hooligans.

My Granny told the old men in the Lodge that the sheriff repossessed her van when they wondered out loud about it's whereabouts. (She lent it to my aunt for the day).

Are you keeping tabs on YOUR neighbors' vehicles yet?

Debra She Who Seeks said...

And that's why I NEVER go through a drive-thru. For the sake of my blood pressure, I park and go inside to order. That way I can also watch the little buggers to make sure they fill my order right. And don't spit on anything.

dbs said...

Yup. Your Granny is cool. And no, no tabs on the neighbours/hooligans yet but I do like jigsaw puzzles.

dbs said...

Yeah. I ponder the spit sometimes too.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Sadly I have no car so drive throughs are a bit of a challenge for me.

tattytiara said...

You hear a lot more cases of drive-through rage these days, and I don't think anybody's too surprised. The whole system needs to be updated for the safety of the staff alone!

Kev D. said...

I like when they read back the order like a court stenographer.

It's even better if you ask them to do it.

"READ IT BACK!"

Elly Lou said...

They have walk-throughs in Manhattan. They don't work any better. But it's easier to kick things.

Nicole said...

"He's 12!" Big laugh here.

We have a drive-thru Dairy Queen here that is maddeningly terrible. They never understand our order, and when we ask for things it seems they should know about (can we have an empty cup for our toddler's ice cream cones---duh, the kids need a place to put the cones when their wee arms tire) they act like we've asked them to apply the sprinkles with their eyelashes. Asshats.

Robert the Skeptic said...

My experience is that I can actually park the car, go in, order and receive my meal, FASTER than sitting in the drive-thru.

The concept implies faster meal service but there is always someone who ties up the line with some screw up in their order.

Antares said...

I would like to order a tofu burger on a spelt bun, yeast on the side, baked carrots and a dairy-free wheatgrass shake.
"crackle...?....crackle".
*tires squealing*

Antares Cryptos said...

I keep losing parts of myself.
TGIF.

Vinny C said...

I remember going into a fast food place this one time. The drive-thru stretched around the corner into the street but the inside was almost empty. I got my order & was out in about 15 minutes.

dbs said...

@LoC I like how you spell drive-through the proper way. That's another annoying thing about drive-thrus.
@tattytiara Mos def.
@Kev D. Ha!
@EllyLou The option to kick things would help so much.
@Nicole I know what you're saying; it's like they have to consent a manual or something.
@Robert It's worth it. I prefer it too.
@Antares *clap* You should also ask them to read it back like Kev D!
@VinnyC Good thinking. I rarely go through a drive-thru so then I forget and then I'm trapped in the drive thru and well, eep, I have completely overused the phrase drive-thru in this sentence.

Al Penwasser said...

As Joe Pesci said in one of the 'Lethal Weapon' movies: "They f*** you at the drive-thru!"
If I'm not by myself, I NEVER use the drive-thru because...wait for it...
they DO f*** you at the drive-thru!

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

Yes! And not only that, they always forget the one thing that is going to make your four-year-old scream in agony and frustration if he does not get it. This is because why you were trying to hear the tinned, backward Darth Vadar voice, he was in the back seat screeching his own demands into your other ear and he will not understand how you could have screwed up and forgotten his cheeseburger and barbecue sauce when he TOLD you right back there what he wanted. Oh darn it, now I'm ranting. sigh.

dbs said...

@AP Ah yes, Lethal Weapon. I wonder what Mel Gibson thinks of drive-thrus?
@The C's C: Rant away. I know just how you feel.

Al Penwasser said...

As long as it wasn't a kosher restaurant, he'd be okay with it.
And they served holy water on ice.

dbs said...

@AP You are sure darn funny.

Alittlesprite said...

"Merblah bewcal extra large *crackle* shisssh shissssel that bellewth *crackle* cheese horawlig shisssh *crackle* chicken?"

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