Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Some Relief Please

Um, why do the Olympic mascots
look like metric wrenches?
#howtoscarechildren
This is not meant to be disparaging. Who am I to criticize sports? But the Olympics are killing me. I'm GUTTED. I'm knackered even.

Here's the thing: where's the much-needed comic relief?!!!!! WHERE?!

All the tension. All those bodies. All the spandex. All those pissed-off coaches. All the events I keep missing. All those neon shoes. All the events that confuse me: what happened to the tug-o-war? All the crooked judging in synchronized swimming: what can those judges actually see? All the inspirational music. All the bawling. All the parent replays. All the 4th place finishers. All the reporters insisting athletes define disappointment. All those google doodles. All the Prince Harry. All the hyperbole.

It's too much. Absobloodylootley. I want to but I can't look away. My anxiety is at 8 awaiting the next emotional marathon double lutz thingamawhatthehell are those hats for? Bullocks! Most sports confuse me but especially these sports. (Except for the shot-put. I'm totally all over that.) Why team dressage and not dodgeball?! I'm gobsmacked. I'm just going to fast-forward it all until the closing ceremonies when the arts will rule again unless, please no, the Spice Girls show up. (I wonder how old Baby is now? Is she all botoxicated? Now I'm worried about that too.)

The Olympics would be a lot less stressful and confusing for me if we could just periodically cut to Mr. Bean on the keyboard again. PLEASE?! (I do love how those Brits talk though. Smashing!)

7 comments:

CLR said...

Oh my gosh, I love it. Me and thee, brother. Me and thee. In fact, just give me Mr. Bean.

loonysuse said...

It's exhausting on my couch every day until midnight.

lj said...

Rowan Atkinson was pretty great. It would be fun if he just sort of popped up randomly during a few events.

Symdaddy said...

Don't get you knickers in a twist!

It's nearly over!

To celebrate THE END I have tickets for next Monday. Seats right at the 100 metres finish line. Wanna join me?

I'll be soooooo quiet, 'cept for the sound of brooms sweeping floors.

Pickleope said...

Blimey, did you exhaust all the Brit slang you know? Uh, bangers and mash! The strange thing about those mascots? They have names, Wenlock and Mandeville, and their toys are selling really well. Yeah, they give me the creeps.

Al Penwasser said...

Those are the Olympics mascots!!?? And nobody has commented that they look like a pair of "One-Eyed Monsters"?
Because...they do.

wendy said...

You always make me laugh.
Like Al Penwasser said...are those the Olympic mascots. I don't think I've ever even seen them.
I have watched precious little of the Olympics this year with my family visiting. No time for TV.
And yeah...what the crap, the 4th place winners probably lost by only a half a second. WTC (what the crap in case you were wondering)
Now, you have to admit you probably loved the womens beach volleyball....come on....the little bitty cloths they are wearing.
come on now.

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