|Um, why do the Olympic mascots |
look like metric wrenches?
Here's the thing: where's the much-needed comic relief?!!!!! WHERE?!
All the tension. All those bodies. All the spandex. All those pissed-off coaches. All the events I keep missing. All those neon shoes. All the events that confuse me: what happened to the tug-o-war? All the crooked judging in synchronized swimming: what can those judges actually see? All the inspirational music. All the bawling. All the parent replays. All the 4th place finishers. All the reporters insisting athletes define disappointment. All those google doodles. All the Prince Harry. All the hyperbole.
It's too much. Absobloodylootley. I want to but I can't look away. My anxiety is at 8 awaiting the next emotional marathon double lutz thingamawhatthehell are those hats for? Bullocks! Most sports confuse me but especially these sports. (Except for the shot-put. I'm totally all over that.) Why team dressage and not dodgeball?! I'm gobsmacked. I'm just going to fast-forward it all until the closing ceremonies when the arts will rule again unless, please no, the Spice Girls show up. (I wonder how old Baby is now? Is she all botoxicated? Now I'm worried about that too.)
The Olympics would be a lot less stressful and confusing for me if we could just periodically cut to Mr. Bean on the keyboard again. PLEASE?! (I do love how those Brits talk though. Smashing!)