Is knitting the new poking?

Hey people. Have you heard? I read it somewhere. And I’m sure it was on TV, like, 61 times. It was a pretty big deal. And it sure freaked me out. And a bunch of people were talking about it. Um, I think it was something like this...

Sitting is, um dangerous. Um...I’m sure it was about sitting.

Sitting is the new drinking and driving. Nope, that’s not it.

Knitting? Maybe it was about knitting? Knitting is the new smoking. Nope. That can’t be it.

Breathing is the new smoking? No.

A sensational headline is the new substitute for not thinking rationally? Yes. That’s it. But wait.

Was it...salt is the new sugar?

Nope. Sugar is the new sugar substitute?

And meat is bad for you? Well duh. Except when it isn’t.

Maybe it was coughing? Coughing is the new sneezing? No, it had something to do with sitting.   

Sitting is the new smoking. What?! Nope. That can’t be it. Can it?

Wait a minute. That IS it. But smoking is the new smoking. It’s the old smoking too. Actually, smoking is still smoking. And it’s bad. Don’t do it. As for sitting, sit. Just don’t sit all day unless you’re a sloth in a coma. Albeit upside down, even sloths go for a walk.

I love a good headline as much as the next guy but here’s an idea: the new headline is the next new headline. Although that metaphor certainly did get everyone’s attention directed toward exercise for like a week, it seems a tad insulting to science and scientists (not to mention common sense) to declare sitting the new smoking. I suggest each one of us remembers to keep calm, look at that juicy headline on the plate, note its colour, shape, size and scrutinize its nutritional value before swallowing it whole.