Monday, February 3, 2014

Sometimes.

Sometimes my confidence remains behind in the room I just left, like I forgot my wallet but I didn't notice until it was too late to return yet I knew something wasn't right from the beginning.

Sometimes I replay conversations in my head again and again until I have punched so many pencil holes in so many paper chains of questions and banter and ideas and exchanges that I can't tape it all back together anymore.

Sometimes I find tape and scissors and reassemble it all again anyway because sometimes the only way to cope is to put the untogether together again tighter, stronger, better. Sometimes this whole process inspires in me a grind and a grit I find exhilarating. Sometimes I get so lost in reflection I realize maybe I wasn't lost at all but instead breaking new ground.

Sometimes I forget that if confidence were on a graph and we were all on that graph it would always be more peaks and valleys than skimming along strong horizon lines.

Sometimes I ruminate and sometimes I am too hard on myself yet sometimes I suspect I am oblivious to all of this. Sometimes I might even seem arrogant, yet most-times too self-deprecating, but either way, flawed and I am okay with that because perfection is boring.

Sometimes I think people are thinking about me and my mistakes and I am amazed at my ego because they really aren't because why would they be?

Sometimes I forget that without struggle there is no progress.

Sometimes I need to shut off and shut up.

Sometimes we make ourselves miserable and sometimes we make ourselves strong and we should just decide where to put our energies.

9 comments:

Laoch of Chicago said...

I hope your day will be filled with triumph.

Vinny C said...

Either we’re sharing the same mind or you've been reading my mind again (Wow! That seems so egotistical, reading it back). I’d tell you to stop it but you express how I feel way more eloquently than I ever could.

CLR said...

I think I might just print this one out, and carry it in my pocket for times when I feel alone in this way of thinking.

Love this.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

You're a brooder, man, a brooder. Been there, done that. I try not to do so much of it any more.

Pearson Report said...

At least it's "sometimes" not all times… so in that there must be found comfort and contentment.

I dare say more of us than care to admit are squeezed into the same little boat - if only the Titanic hadn't sunk this ride would give us more places to hide.

Very reflective, very introspective.

Now… off I go to prove I'm not a robot...

Pickleope Von Pickleope said...

Wait a second, sometimes you have "confidence"? What is this "confidence" of which you speak? Is it an STD?
The only times I exhibit arrogance is when I'm unfathomably insecure, which is to say, whenever I'm not gripped by crippling self-loathing. So, about twenty percent of the time and never when I'm nude. I've said too much.

Mrs. Tuna said...

You are a rock star, every, single day.

Chicken said...

Sometimes we just need to let the silence lie. I am always the one that feels the need to fill the silence even if I have nothing to say, even though I feel silence doesn't always need to be filled. It's a struggle. Like whether to eat a third cookie when no one is looking. Of Course I'm going to eat a third cookie. But I shouldn't.

Kerry said...

It is all one big mysterious roller coaster. #iamlistening

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