Sunday, January 6, 2013
Girls: you definitely have every right to find it inconsiderate when men leave the toilet seat up. Absolutely. I don't do that. But therefore, I must insist that you never, NEVER, close the toilet lid. Why? I would like to share a story, a story with some of the details missing because, well, it's one of those stories.
Here's the thing: it's the middle of the night. Sometimes a guy needs to pee. But here's the other thing: even though he needs to pee he doesn't want to. His bed is toasty and warm and soft and if any of us had our way we'd never leave that bed. Am I right? Anyway, this means the middle-of-the-night-pee must occur as quickly as possible and in such a way that sleep is so minimally disturbed he will barely remember the trip to the toilet in the morning. I am going to say I am successfully able to do this 98% of the time. How? I don't turn on that glaring bathroom light from hell. Therefore, in this situation, I must sit to pee.
Now this in itself is an entire other post. I won't get into it much here but some guys do indeed sit to pee. In a somewhat drunken conversation with a group a guys once, certain information was revealed and then never, ever discussed again. Therefore I feel 8-out-of-9 guys confident that some other men can relate to this. On what do I base my pea-brained statistic? One of the guys in that drunken conversation said he will never, ever, ever sit to pee but the other eight, including myself, choose that option sometimes (even in the daytime). No judgment. So, if you've managed to follow my blathering here, you probably know where this is going. So let's go there (kinda). When a guy must in-the-dark, middle-of-the-night-sit-down-pee, he never expects the toilet lid to be closed. And when it is...let's just say some things should not be
f'n)all of the above.