Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Things that deserve the stink-eye:


I did something very, very stupid. Okay, not very, very stupid, just regular stupid. Plus a little bit more than that. One might call it “guy stupid.” But my heart was in the right place. Everything went wrong quite innocently.

Available here.
Here’s what I did: I bought some Christmas gifts. In September.

That’s pretty organized isn’t it? One might say exemplary time-management. I suspect that I was in the one percentile of all men who bought Christmas gifts in September of this year. Whoa. According to my pea-brain, that’s a big deal. Like maybe an on-the-news kind of big deal. Okay that’s probably idiotic but the truth is this: I will never, ever do that again.

Before I explain why, I will say that I did not do this because I’m attempting to be a reformed last-minute-shopper. I’m totally ok with last-minute shoppers but that was never really my style. I’m more of an all-at-once shopper. Mostly I like to “get it over with a few weeks before Christmas.” And by get it over with I mean I prefer to complete my entire Christmas shopping in one single day, a sort-of marathon shopfest. Yup, I’m a dreamer: this never seems to work. So this year, when I suddenly realized that I was in the perfect place to shop for some quality items that members of my family would probably appreciate, I did just that. Within fifteen minutes I bought several gifts for them without being caught, along with some decoy items for myself which would explain the bag I carried out of that gem of a store. And do you want to know how I felt? Proud. Smug even.

As the saying goes, “prideth goeth beforeth the falleth” (close enough) because here’s the thing: when I returned home I hid those purchases and now, three months later, after much searching (swearing), I have no idea, absolutely no idea where they are. Plus there’s one more glitch: I can’t quite remember what I bought so I don’t know what I’m looking for. Sheesh.

And so this is exactly why guys leave their shopping until the last minute. 

10 comments:

Adam said...

I lukily got all my done. But I know what you mean. It's hard to remember where it all went. I just stuff them in the closet until wrapping time.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Proper procedure is on December 23rd, or if you are a real man, the 24th, you arise and say, "today is the shopping day." You head to the mall and an hour later you finish and reward yourself with a frosty beverage. You stop on the way out and hand some people who are sitting at a table, who wrap for charity, a wad of bills. They wrap. You load your vehicle and head home, exhausted from your labors.

dbs said...

@Adam I checked there.
@Laoch I like the way you think.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Hahahahahaha, I'm sure they'll turn up after Christmas. My Rare One found a CD in her car about 6 months after Christmas one year -- a gift she had bought for moi that had slipped between the seats. So receiving this belated gift was a REAL surprise!

Vinny C said...

Maybe they found them already.

Lorraine said...

You'll find them eventually and then someone will have a nice Valentines Day or Arbor Day or President's Day gift.

Think of how impressed everyone will be then.

Lor

neal said...

Like Vinny C says...maybe that special person found a special something in a couch cushion and was like, whoa! I don't remember this one, but...well...maybe I KIND OF do...I'm so glad I found it! It's a Christmas miracle! Now that I'm thinking about it, I wonder what dbs is getting me for Christmas...

Alittlesprite said...

My Husband is irritatingly opposite to you.. we can come home with nothing after hours of shopping because everything we looked at wasn't "Quite right"..gggrrr.

A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

It's the thought that counts, right? So tell your family this story and then laugh and laugh about it, and there's the gift. Easy.

Michael Burrows said...

You're getting old. Time to start doing old-man things like falling asleep in your big chair when you get home from work. It's not all bummer though, soon we will be able to wear suspenders.

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