Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Things that deserve the stink-ears:

far-away-noises in the middle of the night that mess with one's mind when it's much too early (and irritating) to be AWAKE!

Interior Monologue: [flipping over in bed for the second time] What is that noise? [flipping again] What is that? [big sigh] It's like...it's like...[listening carefully] it's like there's a bathtub in my neighbour's yard...and it's empty...[attempts to shut it out and return to sleep but hears it again]...and inside the tub there's an otter...[flips over]...an otter?...[listening carefully again]...yup, an otter...and he's, what is he doing?...he's scootching his bum...yup, he's scootching his bum back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...bathtub scootching squeaking noises [furrowed brow]...scootching and scootching...and yup, that little bastard is smiling at me while he's scootching and scootching [visualizes uzi]...what is he doing and why does he hate me?...scootching and scootching and scootching...[riddles little otter with bullet holes followed by a momentary pang of guilt and then finally, thankfully, slumber].

8 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Jeezuz, why the hate on for otters, dbs? What did they ever do to you?

Vinny C said...

Equally as bad: Strange noises you actually can identify.

Like the crying child/children/newborn baby ensemble in the other apartment... or worse... the repeat banging of the neighbors' headboard as they apparently attempt to add more to their flock.

Homemaker Man said...

O man. I had a raging case of scooching bum otters back in college. Thank God for penicillin.

Antares Cryptos said...

This actually makes complete sense.

Laughing.:)

wendy said...

Laughing myself silly here.
WHO KNEW...an otter in a bathtub.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Ear plugs!

Mrs4444 said...

SO annoying....

Michael Burrows said...

hahaha

Love the word "scootch." Use it all the time with the oldies when I need them to move up in the hospital bed so they can sit taller.

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