Thursday, February 2, 2012

Dear Fellow Shopper,

Evil.
I was attempting not to make eye contact with anyone at the shopping cart corral in the grocery store parking lot today but when you noticed that I seemed unable to even begin to fathom how to use the insert coin and do something with the chain thingamawhatinthehellisgoingon doodad system to obtain a shopping cart, I would have preferred that you offered me some assistance instead of smirking and then rushing back to your car to text your girlfriends that some husband using the grocery store for the first time couldn't get a cart because he's a total knob (and stop judging me okay because I'm not the usual grocery store shopper in my family and I never go to stores with carts manufactured by the devil without my wife so she always does this part and indeed I've never admitted to her that I am incapable of using this insert coin and do something with the chain thingamawhatinthehellisgoingon doodad system) meanwhile I tried to yank that cart off the chain (creating a series of ripple effects and aftershocks heard by shoppers everywhere instinctively reaching down to turn their children's eyes away from the nutbar going ape on the shopping carts) instead of admit I'm a feckless twit to the 14 year old cart boy playing runaway train all over the parking lot so of course I did NOT ask for help even when it wouldn't spit my money back out and thus I finally gave up, stomped into the grocery store and began juggling oranges, apples, a jalapeno pepper, bananas, onions, asparagus, three boxes of greek yogurt, a container of lemon juice, an aero bar and some tic-tacs down aisle after aisle until I finally gave the cashier at that store my money and let's be honest, a good laugh when the staff reviews the video surveillance tapes at a future staff party like we all know they do.

Signed,
The Guy who lost his $1 coin and his Dignity today at the Grocery Store

21 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Been there, done that. You have my sympathy.

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

Weird, we don't have locked up carts around here (although we should). Thanks for the heads up.

A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

Tip: Skip the cart and load up your arms. Faster. You're welcome. (For the $1 off coupon.)

Symdaddy said...

I have never had that problem!

But, thanks to you, the next time I go shopping I'm gonna have a mind full of little doubts and niggles.

If I can't get a trolley it'll be YOUR fault!

Pickleope said...

Dude, what the hell is that!?! I've never seen the coin release thing. You have to pay for the privilege of shopping there? Madness. You'd be justified pushing the entire line of carts around the store. Occupy that b.s. store!

JJ said...

Ahh, yes. I remember my first trip to that particular store. My husband refused to pay for a cart. It goes against his beliefs or something, so I never have had the chance to fight with the contraption. I always have to juggle the produce down aisles leaving a trail of bellpeppers and squash behind me.

laughingmom said...

I've never seen anything like that before - do you have some sort of problem with cart thieves - or is this just a way for the store to make money?

ptotheb said...

video, please.

Mel said...

Best laugh I've had in days! I feel your pain, we were all new to these devices at one time. PUSH. Just push the coin.

Mel said...

Oh, and you get the coin back when you return the cart. By pushing the chain back in.

Antares Cryptos said...

Laughing. Just laughing.
*CLAP*

Al Penwasser said...

You have to pay to use a frikkin' grocery cart? Is that a Canadian thing? What's next? Having to pay to take a crap?
Oh, wait, I've seen those.
And usually slide under the stall door when I do.
Dignity be damned.
Speaking of damned dignity....
I wouldn't have had a clue how to free those carts, either.

G said...

This has been me in the past...i feel your pain

Chris said...

I'm with Pickleope, that is madness! I always buy more if I have a cart. The grocery store ought to pay YOU $1 for using a cart.

wendy said...

ha ha HYSTERICAL
We dont have those thingamagidwhatthehellisgoingon-doodads in the States. Well I can't speak for all the States as I haven't BEEN to all of them
but the ones I HAVE been to don't have devil inpiried grocery carts

Now, Try and get a a copy of the video surveilance so we can ALL have a laugh

Laoch of Chicago said...

I solve dilemmas like this by not going to the grocery store. I admit that it is a pretty sucky solution.

Paul McCormick said...

If it makes you feel any better, I'd probably have the same issue. We don't have that down here, at least not in Utah. People could just steal carts willy-nilly.

Kelli Hale said...

Wow your carts are expensive! We only have to pay twenty five cents down here in Indiana. lol The chainthingamabob is quite a challenge though. I'll give you that! Better luck next time. :)

Alistair said...

Very funny. I'm so sorry bro but that cracked me up tonight.

Thanks for that.

Michael said...

Awesome tantrum. Go pour yourself a couple fingers of whiskey and enjoy the calm that follows the storm.

Karen Peterson said...

This is the funniest thing I have read all day. Thanks for the laugh!

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