Friday, July 29, 2011

Six-Minute Window

Avoid chugging this.
And another thing.

How is it possible to have a bad cold in the middle of summer? There should be some universal law against having a chest cold when it’s hot. Or sunny. Or camping. Or in a pool. Or when you’re on a holiday. Or in July. Or August. Or on the weekend. Or during the week. Or if you’re alive. Can’t Oprah do something? Or Tom Cruise? Somebody?

And another thing.

There’s no way one’s freezer should break down in the summer. Isn’t there some laws of physics this goes against? How can the most important time to keep something frozen be the time when “frozen” is a setting that is no longer available? Hey physicists: it’s not like we can put the ice cream outside like we usually can for eight months of the year. And oh the ice cream...we’re talking three boxes of ice-sandwiches and fudgsicles. That’s just wrong.

And another thing.

There’s no way a person should have to wake up early in the summer if he or she is not required to wake up early or chooses not to wake up early. And when one does wake early one should not have to count backwards thirty-eight times or meditate or basically weep in frustration to try to return to a restful sleep. A guy should just be able to snap his fingers and tah-dah: sleep. There should be an easy button for this sort of thing like say a snooze button behind our ears.

And another thing.

There should be like, let’s say something more-than-reasonable, like maybe a six-minute period each day when all human beings (not just Oprah and Tom Cruise) are granted three wishes. I’m not talking about wishes where you can wish for a million dollars or another million wishes. Pshaw. That’s just taking advantage. I’m talking about when you can wish your cold away or wish your constant coughing away or wish your freezer to work again and also wish back the ice cream you had to throw out (and since we’re on the topic let’s just wish away all calories in ice-cream forever) and maybe after that’s done just wish yourself back to sleep again so you don’t have to stare at the wall for an hour. Is this unreasonable? I don’t think so. I would highly doubt that this six minute window is capable of ruining the balance of the entire universe or anything.

And another thing....

14 comments:

Oilfield Trash said...

I agree with you, I hate getting up early in the summer time.

Alistair said...

I wish you'd stop whingeing - I'm trying to sleep overt here!!!


lol.

Mel said...

Not the ice cream! Anything but that!!!

Shockgrubz said...

Good luck on sleeping, I wished for the freezer being fixed, and I have two wishes left!

Vinny C said...

UGH! Colds suck! Had one last year & don't want one ever again.

Windsmoke. said...

Be careful what you wish for you might regret them later :-).

dbs said...

@OT It's just not right.
@Alistair Everyone just needs to whinge every once in a while and then sleep.
@Mel Agreed.
@Shockgrubz Thanks for using one on me.
@VinnyC I haven't had one for years and it's still killing me.
@Windsmoke Probably true.

karensomethingorother said...

I make the sign of the cross and HISS at you! BOO, COLDS, BOOOOO! I had the flu one summer. Fever, aching bod, shivers, chest with a brick in it. Yeah.

I hope you feel better soon!

Alittlesprite said...

I am actually enjoying my first sickness-free Winter in ages. I finally found a Doctor who gave me the RIGHT meds :)
Hope you feel better soon.

Laoch of Chicago said...

I hope you feel better.

j. littlejohn said...

tom cruise, save me with your witchcraft!

Mrs. Tuna said...

I refuse to get sick, I have to even stop reading this blog post so I don't catch what you have.

Dr. Cynicism said...

Sorry your sick... I know what you mean. I just got over a cold less than a month ago. I felt like the unluckiest person alive - to catch cold in the frickin summer.

Mrs4444 said...

I like this post.

I also like Alistair's comment. :)

Hope you're feeling better!

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