|Scottish warrior William Wallace. |
I had one message: LOWER MY DAMN BILL. I mean, come on phone companies: stop plundering!
Before I called I did some stretches. Paced a bit. Cracked an ice tray into a very large mug. Added
Pressed 1. Pressed 5. Pressed 2. Hold. One minute passes. (One minute?!) "Hi this is Sarah, how may I help you?" (Perfect language skills?!)
"Certainly sir. Let me see...(less than five minutes later)...so your new package should cut your bill by almost 30% and by upgrading your internet package at no extra charge your browsing speed should improve. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
[insert sound effect here]
"Uh. No. Thanks so much."
Later, unable to process the entirely unexpected anticlimactic nature of this experience compounded by all the bottled-up energy for the war I did not have to fight, I was forced to punch myself in the eye repeatedly because I obviously should have phoned months ago. Frick.