Thursday, March 10, 2011

Luggage Doesn't Grow on Trees

Sometimes I want to sail away.
But oh yeah. My luggage disappeared. 
Packing for an overnight trip tomorrow, I needed a small piece of luggage. So I ventured into the downstairs closet and was surprised to discover the luggage I am familiar with (mostly because I paid for it) no longer exists AKA I suspect said luggage is at a sleep-over AKA one of my teens left it at his or her "peeps" and brought his or her stuff home in a plastic garbage bag along with a half-eaten bag of barbecue chips AKA we will likely never see said luggage again AKA it went the way of my mitts).

Plan B: I pulled out a small crumpled duffel bag that belongs to my teen son. It was a freebie from a sports event he attended, and looked to be about the right size. The zipper worked so I opened it up and here's what I discovered inside:

  • two dimes
  • one dryer sheet
  • one plastic coat-hanger, broken
  • 4,973 gum wrappers
  • one cheese string
Did I mention this sporting event occurred last summer? Anyway, I'm 20 cents richer! Well only if you ignore the whole cost of replacing said missing luggage. Whatever. At least that cheese string was decent. That'll teach him. 

*shoulders sag with sudden remembrance of former life before parenting reduced me to eating stale cheese strings and claiming it as a victory*

31 comments:

Alittlesprite said...

It is still a victory none the less :)

Next time you buy luggage hide it somewhere the teens wont find it.

or
cover it with sequins and sparkly stuff, they won't use it then. Course, you will have to deal with the looks when YOU use it, but it will be worth it I reckon. ;)

Hope these tips are helpful...
heh..

Alistair said...

You poor man. Look on the bright side - every time you post something like this I realise the benefits of not having any kids and leading a totally carefree {sorry I mean selfish} life as far as thats concerned.

or you could just think that you're going through all this so I don't have to. Wait a minute - if that's the case that's one of my kids you've just nabbed the cheese string from!

An NO - I'm not going to contribute to upkeep. You get all the pleasure - you get all the pain.

{Well, you DID call me your long lost Scottish brother in one post I remember!!!}

Christopher said...

That's a lot of gum. I find it a little mysterious that so many gum wrappers ended up in there.

Vinny C said...

Sometimes we just have to take whatever victories we can get. On the bright side, cheese!

Chelle said...

My ex called the kids and told them that they (I) should send along an extra suitcase... for him to keep with all of my other suitcases.. I mean for them to bring stuff home in.

I have 3 suitcases. I covet them. They have zippers that work!

I am not totally unreasonable, though. I bought one of those G I A N T ziplock bags to send. In fact, I bought a whole package. They make perfect kid luggage.

Mainly I just love giant ziplocks, is my point.

Chelle said...

Also, I think he can provide the extra suitcase. So there.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I feel your pain, man.

vickilikesfrogs said...

Cheese = win.

You have an award waiting for you over at Glitter Frog! It doesn't come with luggage, though. Sorry. On the upside, it also doesn't come with 4 bajillion gum wrappers!

paulsifer42 said...

I honestly laughed out loud at the last sentence. Glad you found some victory though. Whenever I read about you and your children, I wonder how many times my parents just let their shoulders sag, and didn't even bother asking me what I did to annoy them... oh I so look forward to this parenting thing...

dbs said...

@alittlesprite Just like with the mitts. Thank you. When will I ever learn?
@Alistair And that was a very good brotherly talking-to. Thank you.
@christopher Slight exaggeration. *sheepish face*
@VinnyC Nice bright side.
@Chelle Ha! You're awesome. *leaving house now to go buy ziplock bags wondering if they come in luggage size*
@DSWS Thanks.
@vicki Good point. And thank you. I will check it out asap.
@paul It's quite a challenge *shoulders sag* But on the bright side (see above), there's cheese.

Oilfield Trash said...

That is funny. I always find weird shit in my kids luggage/bags.

Nicole said...

Why didn't we cure cancer before kids? It seems like we should have been able to. Damn wastes of space we were.

Elly Lou said...

For the record? Cheese strings always make me think of tampon strings and I can't even look at them. So...hope it was tasty.

Sarah Lindahl said...

What is it about kids and luggage anyway? We no longer have the proper, adult suitcases with handles and wheels. Where did they go? But we do have thousands of cheap worthless duffles that you can fit no more than a shirt and a pair of underwear in.

But hey, 20 cents! WooHoo!

db said...

@OT Teens. Can't live with, can't...yeah, this train of thought doesn't apply. ;)
@Nicole Oh think of all the things we could do if we weren't so busy reproducing.
@EllyLou Whoa. *makes note to never mention them again*
@Sarah I guess I should just be happy I didn't find something worse.

karensomethingorother said...

WORD, my man. I remember some shameful post-kids days in my early 20's, cleaning hotel rooms to pay my way through uni: if there was pizza left over, I was all over that. It didn't matter that it was cold, and 2/3 of it was already eaten. Oh, the shame.

That does bite about the luggage though. I'd certainly turn into screaming idiot mom over that.

karensomethingorother said...

but WAIT---you're going on an overnight trip! OOooo....you should share that information, and I can pretend it's actually ME who is away. Hearing about other peoples' vacations is mind porn.

manders said...

mmm... preservativey year old cheese strings

Laoch of Chicago said...

Grim.

Antares Cryptos said...

Maybe he's into recycling?
I find weird crap in my own too. Doby, stop it!

G said...

the joys of kids lol
This makes me realise exactly why my dad never wanted me to lend anything

karensomethingorother said...

er...that was supposed to read PRE-kid days. Not that that is either here nor there, but just the same...

baygirl32 said...

that's quite a haul!

Al Penwasser said...

Look on the bright side. Coulda been...
WORSE: coulda found a condom in your son's luggage.
EVEN WORSER (NOTE: NOT a real word) and GROSS: coulda been a used condom.
EVEN WORSER TO THE NTH DEGREE: Coulda been your daughter's luggage.

paulsifer42 said...

Oh hells yes! That's what I need in my life: MORE CHEESE!

dbs said...

@karen Ha! I probably would have done the same thing. And believe me, this little trip wasn't that exciting. Who knows what our teens are doing while we're gone?!
@manders Yes. Gotta love trans fat.
@LoC Succinct.
@AC Dobby! Awesome.
@G That's exactly why.
@baygirl32 I get the feeling you have some experience with this?
@Al Dude. Too. Much. Perspective. *shoulders sag then...punches a wall*
@paul Always a bright side right.

paulsifer42 said...

Right! I'll have to tell my wife what we have to look forward to.

Dr. Cynicism said...

"I pulled out a small crumpled duffel bag." Now THAT'S how men pack.

Matty said...

This sounds strangely familiar. With three kids....been there, lost that.

Chelle said...

They DO come in luggage sizes. For real.

Mrs. Tuna said...

Winning!!!!

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