Monday, March 21, 2011

I sometimes wonder.

Wonder. Woman.
Like who doesn't?
I sometimes wonder if my brothers remember that time I punched a hole through the screen door because they wouldn't let me in to eat popcorn.

I sometimes wonder if Kevin Murphy's Dad still thinks I'm an asshole.

I sometimes wonder if Lynda Carter would have instantly fallen in love with me if we had met on the set of Wonder Woman (even though I was eleven, and pudgy, and lived in Saskatchewan). In other words, I sometimes wonder woman.

I sometimes wonder if the killer whale at Marineland in Niagara Falls remembers me.

I sometimes wonder if someone with a warped sense of humour has put my Dad in charge of controlling the weather from heaven.

I sometimes wonder if Mr. Sapara, my Grade 8 music teacher, has any recollection of making us put our heads down while he played records at his desk and tried to keep the room from spinning for an entire semester before he went to rehab.

I sometimes wonder if my cousin Mark is still selling drugs or if he found his real parents.

I sometimes wonder if Donald Trump has some serious as-yet-undiagnosed disorder. 

I sometimes wonder if my neighbour down the street (whom I've never met) with the plastic ghosts hanging from the tree in his front yard is just waiting until Halloween rolls around again or if he's died in there and nobody has noticed or if he's actually a lottery winner and he's trying to keep the crazies away or maybe he has like a 192 I.Q. and he laughs at the rest of us dolts who seem hell-bent on decorating for this and that and the other thing ad nauseum monotonia and now I'm wondering if he's reading this or if he has a blog and he's written about his pathetic bandwagonesque decoration-obsessed neighbours and now I'm wondering if that's actually a word and if it isn't it should be.

I sometimes wonder if my brain has a saturation point.


SherilinR said...

i always kinda wanted to be wonder woman. when i reached that magical, legal age, i worked in a night club & wore a wonder woman costume.

Chelle said...

I wonder if people know I'm watching them on tv shows.

They should know.

dbs said...

@Sherilin Whoa.
@Chelle They should.

Windsmoke. said...

Your brain hasn't reached saturation point it sounds like to me you've got too much time on your hands. Wonder Woman can park her boots or anything else she likes under my bed any day :-).

Alistair said...

I wonder.

Why - if blind people wear sunglasses - deaf people don't get to wear ear-muffs.

Why dbs came up with the idea of wordfusing {Really, I do. And in a good way.}

If SherilinR knows she made coffee go up my nose this morning.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Wondering less is wonderful.

Elly Lou said...

I sometimes wonder if you're sleeping enough.

Vinny C said...

I wonder if I left the iron on...

P.S.: Have you seen the Wonder Woman costume for the new series? In a word: GAG!

Raven said...

The Defiant Marshmallow made me come by (really, at gun point and everything) and I'm glad I did. I'll be back.

Kristen said...

Loved this post, especially the part where you sometimes wonder woman.

Roxanne and Lorraine said...

I'd do Wonder Woman and I like penis, so there is that.

I wonder a lot of stuff too, and then I wonder if people would still be my friends if I actually said all that I wonder out loud. It's usually that bad.


Antares Cryptos said...

Wondrous. I wonder if there will be answers to the wondering.

karensomethingorother said...

I wonder why the bionic woman never had any lasting appeal.

Kev D. said...

There's a house down the street that has a deflated santa hanging from a tree... it looks like a lynch mob came and got santa. It's depressing.

And yet somehow, it's also hilarious.

Stuck In A Window said...

Great post. I remember when i punched a hole through the kitchen door for similar reasons. Hah... i covered the hole by taping a piece of paper over it. I thought for sure my parents would have noticed and henceforth punished me for it, but they never did.

I'm looking forward to future posts.

The Defiant Marshmallow said...

I don't think your brain has a saturation point, and I definitely think the whale remembers you.

Lynda Carter would have been putty in your hands.

Oh, and you have been honored with the Cherry on Top blog award, dude! Bask in the adoration of fans everywhere!

dbs said...

@Windsmoke Wonder. Woman. Say it like that. I sounds even better.
@Alistair Ha! Sherilin made me choke too. I think I wordfuse because I love to create and I believe language has to be fluid and evolving and I believe words have fuses and so many people forget how incredibly powerful that is. Thank you for asking.
@LoC Excellent point. *attempts to shut off mind*
@EllyLou Not so much.
@VinnyC Ha. And I will def check that out.
@Raven Thank you for that.
@Kristen Thank you for your grinput.
@Lor No need to ever explain why you Wonder Woman wonder. P.S. I try to use inside thoughts too but it doesn't always work out that way.
@AC Maybe. But you're way better with answers than I am. *admiration face at your quick wit*
@karen THE BIONIC WOMAN!! She too was incredible.
@KevD Santa could use some deflating. (So could I.)
@Stuck in a Window Thanks for commenting (and coming back).
@TheDM Silly. Putty. And thank you so much. I am not worthy!

Michael said...

I wonder if you ever aim your crazy imagination at a literature target. Got any short stories under your belt? I'd like to read them. michael.offworld()

paulsifer42 said...

Does Ghosty keep his Christmas lights up too? To be honest, he's probably saving a bunch of time on not taking stuff up and down, but just putting it up, and leaving it there.

Cheeseboy said...

Brilliant post! My favorite one I have read this week. The Junior High music teacher made me laugh out loud. Wish I would have had that dude in Junior High. Was he playing Pink Floyd?

I wonder if my brother remembers me punching him in the face because he was trying to wake me up on a Saturday morning.

Keely said...

I wonder if I'm the neighbour you're wondering about.

Antares Cryptos said...

Ahem...thank you kind sir. Right back at you.:)

dbs said...

@michael Thanks for asking. I struggle with fiction. I've written chapters but I don't know where they're going yet. Short stories are tough for me. I am intimidated by the so many incredible short stories I've read like "The Painted Door" and "Chickamauga" for example. I do love postcard fiction though or flash fiction. (Maybe I'll post one sometime.) I always return to non-fiction though and feel very comfortable with it. I really appreciate how much freedom there is with creative non-fiction.
@paul You have a good point.
@cheeseboy Not Pink Floyd. No classic rock unfortunately. Ah yes, I think we had the same brother.
@Keely Ha! Awesomeness. (Unless you actually are. Whoa.)
@AC Welcome.

Alittlesprite said...

I keep my Wonder Woman to myself. It's less frightening for everyone concerned.

Chelle said...

Did you know that there is a new wonder woman series coming to television?

dbs said...

@alittlesprite Ha. I'll take your word for it.
@Chelle I did not. *googling*

Chelle said...

Everyone is outraged because wardrobe gave her pants.

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