Sunday, March 13, 2011

How to Beat a Dead Horse

Image from here.
I don't know much about horses. Never owned a horse. Never broke a horse. Never trained a horse. Never even been on a horse's back by myself. I've certainly never beaten a horse, alive or dead. And yet I've been beating a few dead horses my entire life. And watching others beat their dead horses too.

1. Assume yours is a dark horse. (Delude yourself into believing this information came straight from the horse’s mouth.)
2. Lead your horse to water. Try to make it drink. Try again. Try x 12. Try twice more.
3. Finally get off your high horse.
4. Embittered, scream and shout. Screw you and the horse you rode in on! (Act like a horse's ass.)
5. Quit horsing around. Beat that dead horse. (Wild horses could not drag you away.)
6. Pause. (Hold your horses.)
7. Beat the horse some more. Ride the horse some more. (Ignore your horse sense.)
8. Finally, if the horse is dead (because truly, it always was) GET OFF! 
9. Rationalize that your horse was likely Trojan and you won't fall for that nonsense again. Silly.
10. Repeat all steps expecting different results. 


Dr. Cynicism said...

Wow! Soooo much horse!

dbs said...

Yes. In fact, I might be beating a dead horse with my point about beating a dead horse. *deflated face*

Oilfield Trash said...

Yep you pretty much beat it right there.

jono said...

I tried number 4. But I had to stop as I was feeling a little horse.

dbs said...

@OT Again and again.
@jono Nice one.

Chelle said...

Have you SEEN a zombie horse?

You have to keep beating it.

Al Penwasser said...

Question: In #7, do you mean "horse?" I hope not, because I just went ahead and did it.
My wife was out shopping, after all.

Al Penwasser said...

This is a completely random thought and has nothing to do with horses, but....
Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Don't pay her.


Antares Cryptos said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. Tuna said...

As an avid equestrian I'm trying to figure out if I should be offended.

Alittlesprite said...

There are a lot of horse sayings isn't there Deebs?

G said...

I'm scared of horses

Antares Cryptos said...

And then comes horsepower: Winning!

dbs said...

@Chelle Ha! Good one. *begins erasing image from brain*
@AP A tad TMI there Mr. Innuendo/Comedian. ;) And what did you delete? Actually, forget I asked that. *re-reads #7 and feels like an idiot*
@Mrs.Tuna As someone who consistently does belly-flops I could say I'm somewhat offended by YOUR last post. Gotcha. ;)
@alittlesprite Uh Deebs? I checked and you seem to be calling me one of four things:
1. drunk bitch
2. douche bag
3. some sort of gamer
4. a heavyset employee
So which is it? 'Cause this adds a whole new meaning to grinputting.
@G Then DO NOT read what Chelle wrote above.
@AC Ha! Awesome. #charliehorsesheen

Al Penwasser said...

Innuendo: an Italian suppository.
As far as the words of Woody Allen (before his icky sexual peccadilloes), "Hey, it's sex with someone I love."

Elly Lou said...

You forgot to look in that horse's mouth to check for gifts.

paulsifer42 said...

Very clever dbs :)

Alittlesprite said...

NONE of them!
You don't like it...?
*trembly lip*....
I thought it was cute...

blunt delivery said...

mine is always a dark horse.

what up with that.

Alittlesprite said...

It was just how I say your initials when I see them. No offence intended :(
*sad face*

dbs said...

@AP Dude. Get a room. With yourself.
@EllyLou I think you're right.
@paul Thank you.
@alittlesprite Oh no. No worries. I thought it was funny.
@blunt What up mos def.

Antares Cryptos said...

I've been trying to convince Mr. Penwasser that he's NOT sitting on a chair.

BTW, do not blame the poor man with plumbing problems for all deletions. I was having speling difflicluties that day.

So can we call you that or is this one of those special arrangements with the fairy only? I might be talking about ants...;)

Alittlesprite said...

OH GOOD! *breaths sigh of relief*
Deebs it is!

Kev D. said...

You just described how I go about writing everything that I write

Vinny C said...

I know exactly what you mean.

When it's time to study, I try to turn the computer off & focus but, to be honest, wild horses couldn't stop me from coming back. Not for too long anyway. At times I feel like I'm beating a dead horse but then I see the exams aren't as difficult as I assumed & I end up feeling like a horse's ass.

Missy said...

My husband has a Degree in beating dead horses!

wendy said...

wow, that was interesting
and you weren't even horsing around

you've never been on a horse??
I sometimes ask myself, approaching 60, what the crapola am I doing taking horse back riding lessons.
I must be off my horse rocker.

dbs said...

@AC & alittlesprite Ha! As for the nickname, it sounds like dweebs to me. I'd prefer dibs because it sounds way cooler. (I have no idea what I'm saying.) My actual name is david. You grinputters decide.
@KevD You made me re-read the post. As usual, I like your thinking.
@VinnyC One imagination is always worse isn't it?
@Missy Ha. My wife would say the same (about me, not your husband).
@Wendy Horsing around. Good one.

Shana said...

I like horses.
All the good comments are taken

Fred Miller said...

Awww, horse sh*t!

Anyway, enough of that sh*t.

dbs said...

@Shana Ha! Whether you intended it or not, that made me laugh.
@Fred Ha! That made me laugh too.

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